Foreign Parts
by Sidewalk Doctor
Summary: Crossover with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Two exchange students from sunny California arrive as Harry and the gang face a new magical threat. Mystery, mayhem, and hooking up ensue.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, yada yada. Which is probably a good thing, considering what I'm about to do with them.

This fic is AU. In order to accommodate the premise, I have had to change certain aspects of the canon Buffyverse to "fit" with the Potterverse, and vice versa. To further add to the timeline mangling, assume the fic takes place in present day.

Pairings, since everyone knows crossover fics are all about the hooking up: Harry/Cordelia, Xander/Hermione.

Spoilers up to Buffy S2 and GoF. Bits and pieces of canon from later episodes/books might find their way in (mostly for humorous purposes), so if you're really that worried about spoilers, you might wanna watch out for that.

**Chapter One**

_Goodbye, Sunnydale. Hello, Hogwarts!_

It was the beginning of a new year at the Sunnydale School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but two of its students would not be returning.

For Cordelia Chase, platform 9 ¾ at King's Cross definitely ranked among one of the last places in the world she'd have expected to be right now. Not to mention that the student accompanying her was most definitely one of the last people she'd have expected—or wanted—to be with.

It all began innocently enough last year, during the American Tri Wizard tournament. Sunnydale hosted this year's festivities, which included representatives from the Roswell, and Smallville schools. Unfortunately, the tournament did not pass without incident. Willow Rosenberg, the student chosen to represent Sunnydale, had almost sucked the entire town into the hellmouth when a spell went wrong. It took the slayer, her watcher, and a loyal group of friends—which had, ironically at the time, included Cordelia—to avert the apocalypse.

Needless to say, Sunnydale had not won the tournament.

The most unfortunate part of this whole affair, however, was that Cordelia was forced to spend excessive amounts of time in the presence of Xander Harris. It was bad enough he chose to keep company with the slayer, whom Cordelia had never been fond of, but it didn't help that he was a perpetual loser. He was Muggleborn, which in itself wasn't necessarily a bad thing—Cordelia was a half-blood herself--but his family wasn't even a respectable Muggle family. Going by what little she knew about them, they were poor, crass, and lived in the tawdriest section of town.

Cordelia, on the other hand, belonged to one of the most powerful and influential families in the American wizarding circuit. Her father was a wealthy and renowned wizard, and her mother, despite her muggle parentage, was a highly accomplished witch. Naturally, Cordelia was the queen bee at Sunnydale School, and her crowd was the nucleus around which the social life revolved. Over the years in Sunnydale, however, the strange and paranormal events that occurred on a near-daily basis had often forced her to—reluctantly—spend time with the slayer and her crowd.

That crowd included Xander Harris, the slayer's right-hand man and faithful lapdog. Heaven only knew what Cordelia had seen in him. But in spite of her better judgment, she noticed that he was kind of cute and endearing when he wanted to be, and although he had a propensity toward bad jokes at improper times, he was also brave and smart. He'd grown on her, kind of like a Chia pet. Still, lord only knew what prompted her to kiss him in a fit of blind insanity (although she found it necessary to reiterate that he made the first move). Must've been something about being in all those near-death situations together. Adrenaline and such.

They had dated briefly, but in the end, it had all gone wrong. Deep down, Cordelia had always known she'd never truly be first in Xander's heart, not as long as the slayer was around. Eventually, the knowledge had been too much for her to deny anymore, so she did the only thing she could in the name of self-preservation—she dumped him before he could dump her. Embittered, Xander had crawled back to Buffy, who ended up rejecting him, too. But Cordelia was too bitter herself to take much joy in that. She wasn't used to being second best. It really hurt, particularly since she wasn't used to caring as much for a boy as she had for Xander.

The blow that her social life had taken following this debacle, as well as her own heartbreak, made Sunnydale an unhappy place for her. So naturally, when an announcement was posted for next year's foreign exchange program, she jumped at the chance. Two Sunnydale students would be chosen to participate in an exchange with Beauxbatons School. Cordelia hadn't been to France for a while, and was more than happy to escape Sunnyhell to a far more pleasant destination.

However, Cordelia wasn't the only one trying to escape heartbreak. Xander had also signed up for the exchange program, still nursing his bruised ego following both Cordelia's and Buffy's rejections. He also hadn't realized how much he had come to care for Cordelia, which only made him feel that much more conflicted. A year away might do him good. Besides… hot French girls!

While both Cordelia and Xander had seen the other at meetings, neither had figured that of all the students at Sunnydale, the two of them would be chosen to go overseas together. Yet that was precisely what happened. Worse yet, there had been a last-minute change to the exchange program. Instead of going to Beauxbatons, Cordelia and Xander would be attending Hogwarts.

Cordelia had immediately gone to the overseer of the program and school librarian, Rupert Giles, to talk her way out of it. But he would hear none of it.

"You signed up, Cordelia. I can't replace you now. You need to learn that your actions have consequences," Giles told her crisply.

"Giles, I am the ex-girlfriend of Xander Harris!" Cordelia exclaimed, aghast. "I have a black mark next to my name! No decent guy is gonna want to date me now. And on top of it all, I'm getting sent to moldy old England and the only school that could possibly have even weirder happenings than ours!"

Giles flinched a little at her statement, and Cordelia hastily added, "No offense or anything."

"Cordelia, Hogwarts is a fine school," the librarian argued. "You should be honored to spend a year there. I am."

"I'm sure it's a great school, but… wait, hold up. Did you just say _you_ were going to be there?"

Giles, who had been cleaning his glasses, put them back on. "The headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, is an old friend of mine. He has asked me if I would like the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and I have accepted. So yes, I will be there with you and Xander."

Cordelia gaped at him for a moment before she replied. "But… what about Buffy? Aren't you like, her watcher and stuff?"

"Unfortunately, Buffy will have to remain in Sunnydale to fulfill her slayer duties," Giles replied. "The Watchers' Council has sent a new watcher, Wesley Wyndam-Price, to assist her in my stead."

Cordelia was still reeling from the news that not only would she end up exiled in England with Xander, but Giles would be there, too. Of all the slayerettes, she supposed she could tolerate Giles the most. Still… a year abroad with Xander Harris!

"Kill me now," she declared.

The squeak of sneakers on the library's linoleum floor alerted her of the presence of another student. "Trust me, Cordelia, I was as pleased as you were to find out who I'd be stuck in Gilesland with."

Giles scowled at him, but Xander just said casually, "Hey, Giles, what's up?"

"Giles is coming to Hogwarts with us," Cordelia told him. "And he's not letting me out of it, so I highly doubt he's letting you out, too."

"She's right about that," Giles agreed.

Xander flopped down on the nearest chair, looking like a kid who'd just had his lunch money stolen. "Great. Exiled to the land of crumpets and funny accents and words with unnecessary 'u's in them, with Cordelia Chase, to boot."

Giles was beginning to look irritated. "I'll have you know that crumpets are quite delicious. You would probably like them."

"Oh God…." Cordelia turned to Giles with wide eyes as a realization hit her. "They like, have snow there, don't they?"

"Yes, Cor, the white stuff that falls from the sky in winter," Xander said slowly and precisely.

Cordelia shot him the stink eye before turning back to Giles. "I have to go shopping! I need new winter coats and boots. I have to call Harmony." She had her cell phone out of her Burberry clutch before she had finished dashing out of the library.

Xander could only stare after her as Giles resumed the pressing task of cleaning his glasses for the umpteenth time since Cordelia stormed into his office.

"Hogwarts will not know what hit them," Xander muttered, and for once Giles had to agree.

A/N: Yes, I know I violated canon by making Cordelia use an electronic device in a magical place. This is done for comedic purposes and hopefully will be forgiven by readers. But come on, if you haven't gotten that this fic is not serious, you're in for a bumpy ride.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**  
_Platform 9¾_

So fast forward four months, and here the three of them were, freezing their butts off at Platform 9¾. Less than twenty-four hours ago, Giles, Cordelia, and Xander had boarded the red eye to Heathrow at LAX. Xander had promptly put on his ipod and started reading _Stuff_ magazine—the special edition for young wizards--while Cordelia talked Giles' ear off. Finally the librarian-turned-Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher drifted off to sleep, leaving Cordelia to _humph_ indignantly and produce a copy of _Cosmo_ magazine—also the special witches' edition.

Upon arriving in London, Cordelia promptly began railing about how cold it was while scuttling after Xander and Giles in a brand-new pink Catherine Malandrino coat and white shearling-trimmed Marc Jacobs boots. She then proceeded to make Giles and Xander carry her two mammoth suitcases and duffel bag, while she extracted her cell phone from her white Bottega Veneta handbag and immediately called Harmony. Her rat, Amy, peeked out from the bag's side compartment and took in her surroundings with wide black eyes.

Cordelia called Harmony again while waiting at Platform 9¾, not-too-subtly checking out all the young wizards. "Hey, check it out, Willow's long-lost British brethren!" she proclaimed to Xander and Giles, referring to a gaggle of redheads standing several yards away. They were very loud and raucous, and frankly were starting to annoy her. She could barely hear Harmony's voice over the static and the racket they were making.

"Oh my God, you gotta tell me if you meet Harry Potter!" Harmony bubbled on the other end of the line.

"Harry Potter? Who's that?" Cordelia asked without much concern. She had spotted another family standing across the platform. Both parents were blond as well as the son. He looked like the kind of guy she usually dated—haughty, arrogant, and probably a complete asshole. But definitely hot. He had great hair. She wondered if it would be terribly gauche to ask him who his colorist was.

"Hello, only the most famous wizard at Hogwarts!" Harmony exclaimed, still prattling about Harry Potter. "Didn't you read that article in _US Wizards' Weekly _aboutthe European Tri Wizard tournament? And that chick he's dating? I mean, he could so do better. I suppose she'd be cute enough if she waxed her eyebrows and did something about that bushy hair…."

"Cordelia!" Giles exclaimed, looking highly irritated. "Come on!" He and Xander were still struggling under the burden of Cordelia's bags. She looked up to see that the Hogwarts Express was approaching.

"Hey Harm, I gotta go… train's arriving and all," Cordelia said hastily. "But I'll talk to you once I get there, K?"

"OK--" Harmony started to say, but before she could hang up, the phone flew out of Cordelia's manicured fingers when she bumped right into someone.

"Excuse you…" Cordelia started to say, until she glanced up at the person she had collided with. He was a young wizard about her age, with thick glasses and messy black hair. He sort of reminded her of Xander, except better-dressed and cuter.

"Oh jeez… sorry about that," she muttered, crouching down to pick up her phone at the same time he did. Their heads collided painfully.

"Owwww…" Cordelia muttered, rubbing her forehead as the wizard did the same.

"OK… how about you get up first, then I do," he joked. With a smile, Cordelia nodded and straightened up. A moment later, the young wizard did the same, handing her the cell phone. Harmony was still prattling on the other end.

"You use these things?" the wizard asked, peering at the phone quizzically.

"Yeah, those Muggles have great inventions once in a while," Cordelia remarked nonchalantly. "Works faster than an owl and convenient when I don't have a fireplace handy."

"I never thought of it that way," he remarked, with a shy smile.

Cordelia smiled back, finding his shyness and slight dorkiness a bit endearing.

"So… um, you're new here?" he asked rather awkwardly. He glanced down at Amy, still safely tucked in the side pocket of Cordelia's bag. The rat was peering up at him in fascination.

"Yeah, ya know… American accent might've given it away," Cordelia kidded. "I'm one of the exchange students from Sunnydale. The other one is there." She inclined her head disdainfully in the direction of Xander, hobbling across the platform balancing his duffel bag and her pink Samsonite. "I'm Cordelia."

"Harry." The wizard reached out to shake her hand.

"Harry?" Harmony screeched, still on the phone. "Oh, my God! Is that _the_ Harry?"

Cordelia, embarrassed, hastily flipped the phone shut. "Sorry about that."

"Um… shouldn't you have… told her goodbye or something?" Harry asked, still peering at the phone quizzically.

"She'll understand," Cordelia assured him. "I'll call her back."

"CORDELIA!" Giles, looking supremely pissed, was about to board the train. Xander didn't look much happier.

"Coming!" Cordelia yelled back, looking equally pissed. She turned back to Harry with one of her most dazzling smiles. "Listen, Harry, I gotta go. But it was nice meeting you. Maybe we'll run into each other again sometime."

"Yeah… maybe." He flashed her the same shy smile as before. With a last glance over her shoulder, Cordelia hastened toward Giles and Xander.

Harry was still standing there when Ron joined him, his eyes glued to Cordelia. "Whoa… who was _that?_" he asked.

"And what on earth is she wearing?" another voice piped up. Hermione had joined them.

"Her name is Cordelia. She's one of the exchange students from Sunnydale," Harry informed them. He was still pleasantly surprised that, despite her friend on the phone, Cordelia hadn't made a big production out of his identity. In fact, she did not seem to know or care about his reputation.

"Oh, that American school," Ron remarked. "Well, if she's anything to go by, those American girls are hot."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Is that all you guys care about?"

"Just stating a fact," Ron said plainly. "I wonder what house they'll be in. Will they get sorted with the first years?"

"Does Sunnydale even have houses?" Harry mused.

"I wonder if she likes Quidditch."

Hermione had already grown bored with the conversation and walked ahead of them. "Are you two coming?" she asked impatiently.

"Yeah, yeah," Ron muttered, jogging to catch up with her. Harry quickly followed suit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

Of Giant Squirrels and Metrosexuals

On the train, Xander and Giles busied themselves stowing their luggage while Cordelia searched for an acceptable compartment—namely, one occupied by the hot blond guy. Although Harry would also be an acceptable choice. She normally didn't go for the geeky look, but it kinda worked on him.

Xander, meanwhile, was equally concerned with checking out the female population of Hogwarts. His eyes lingered on a cute redhead, and Cordelia rolled her eyes. Jeez, what was it with him and redheads?

Xander trotted after the girl, grinning. "Hey there… I'm Xander."

The redhead paused, looking up at him. "Hey… haven't seen you before. Are you one of the American exchange students I've heard so much about?"

"That would be me." He leaned casually against the wall, hoping it made him look cool and smooth.

"Out of the way, loser!" A deep voice boomed. Xander looked up to see some cro-magnon type bulldozing his way through, shoving him aside and into the redhead. The cro-magnon was followed by two more guys—one equally large and thuggish, the other about Xander's height and build. This third guy surveyed Xander through cool, disdainful gray eyes, then pushed past him as though he weren't worth his time.

Well, it looked like Xander had discovered Hogwarts' resident jerks. He had known his share of guys like that at Sunnydale—handsome, arrogant, born into privilege, used to having everything handed to them on a silver platter.

"Ugh, what a prat," the redheaded girl muttered, glaring at the blond guy's retreating figure. "Sorry Draco Malfoy and his lackeys had to be your first impression of Hogwarts."

"No worries… no your fault you go to school with them." Xander and the cute girl were getting jostled around far too much in the corridor, which Xander didn't mind so much since she kept getting bumped against him, but he figured it would be best if they found a place to sit.

As if reading his thoughts, the girl took his arm and pulled him aside. "Come on… you can sit with me and my brother."

She led Xander into a nearby compartment. Xander turned to look for Cordelia, following the sound of her silvery laughter. He glimpsed her standing several yards away, talking to the blond guy, Draco Malfoy. She was giggling and flirting outrageously. "Hang on," Xander told the red-haired girl. "I need to rescue my friend from her own idiocy."

Xander strode down the corridor, mentally steeling himself for dealing with Golden Boy and his goons. "Cordelia, we have to go," he announced, taking her arm.

"You again," the cro-magnon growled, glaring at Xander.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," Xander cracked, trying to back away and pull Cordelia with him at the same time.

She shook him off with a scowl. "I don't have to go anywhere, Xander. Just because we're in the same exchange program doesn't mean I have to sit with you."

"Yes, you do. Giles said so," Xander lied.

"No, he didn't."

"Yes, he did." Xander sent a quick silent prayer to heaven that Cordelia wouldn't go whining to Giles later.

"Want me to hex him?" the cro-magnon guy asked Draco. He shook his head, and cro-magnon reluctantly backed off.

Draco turned to Cordelia. "If your advisor is forcing you to sit with the likes of him"—he shot a derisive look at Xander—"then I suppose you'll have to. But I do feel sorry for you."

Slightly mollified, Cordelia shot him a grateful look and turned back to Xander. "Fine. I'm coming, but only because Giles said so." She instantly turned the charm back on as she faced Draco. "I'm so sorry about him."

"Don't worry about it," Draco assured her, fixing Xander with the same look he'd give a roach about to get squished under his shoe.

"Allright, well…I'll see you at school or something," Cordelia said hastily as Xander practically dragged her away. "You could swing by our compartment later if you wanna hang out…"

"Maybe." Draco flashed her a cool smile before rejoining his friends.

"You're seriously inviting Bleach Boy to hang out in our compartment?" Xander demanded once they were out of earshot.

"What's wrong with that?" Cordelia fired back. "We were getting along fine till you had to show up and go all stalker boy on me. In case you didn't get the memo, we're not dating anymore. Besides… I think that might be his natural color. Maybe he gets highlights."

"Believe me, I got the memo," Xander replied icily. "Why do you think I signed up for this trip? I thought I'd spend some time away from you! And are you _seriously_ interested in a guy who spends more time on his hair than you do?"

"It's called style, Xander. Believe it or not, most women are not turned on by Hawaiian shirts and ratty Converse all-stars!" She stormed into the compartment.

"Well, at least I don't blow half of Daddy's bank account on stupid shoes I'll never wear!"

"I wear all my shoes!" Cordelia shot back. It wasn't until she noticed the bemused glances of the compartment's other occupants that she regained her composure. "Sorry, guys," she muttered with a final venomous glance at Xander.

"It's all right. You actually remind me of two people I know," the red-haired girl said, directing a smirk at her brother. He glared back.

Cordelia plopped down next to the boy, still scowling. Xander sat down next to the girl.

"So… I never got your name," Xander said affably to his seatmate. He ran his hand through his hair, hoping it made him look cool and casual. He pretended not to hear Cordelia's snort from across the compartment.

"I'm Ginny," she replied with a friendly smile. "And that's my brother, Ron."

"Nice to meet you," Ron told Xander, leaning across to shake his hand. Ron seemed friendly enough, but glanced suspiciously from Xander to his sister. However, his attention was soon distracted by his seatmate, who had picked up a box that had been lying on the seat between them. "Ooh, every flavor jelly beans," Cordelia said eagerly. "Mind if I have some? I tend to pick out the really gross ones. I'm Cordelia, by the way."

"Nice to meet you." Ron gazed raptly at her, not seeming to mind in the least as she shook some jelly beans into her hand, scrutinized them carefully, and dropped the ones she deemed gross back into the box.

"Same to you." She smiled up at Ron, who reached out to shake her hand. It was still sticky from the jelly beans.

"Hey, is there room for two more?" a new voice piped up from the doorway. The group looked up to see a boy and a girl standing there. Cordelia found a new target at which to direct her megawatt smile. "Harry! Long time no see."

"I know, huh?" he said with a shy smile, running a hand through his already-messy hair. Xander caught a brief glimpse of the lightning-shaped scar on his forehead.

"What a coincidence," Cordelia went on cheerfully. "Xander was scamming on Ginny earlier, and she invited us to sit with you guys. Who'd have thought you'd all turn out to be friends!"

Both Harry and his female companion looked a bit startled. Xander figured Cordelia's bluntness took some getting used to.

"Come… have a seat." Cordelia scooted closer to Ron, clearly intending Harry to take the seat next to her. He did. The girl sat down on the other side of Xander.

"I don't believe we've met," the girl said to Cordelia. "You're the exchange students from Sunnydale, right?

"Yeah, that's us," Cordelia replied. "I'm Cordelia and that's Xander."

"Nice to meet you… I'm Hermione," the girl told her. It was then that Cordelia recognized her. Bushy hair, thick eyebrows… she was Harry's supposed girlfriend!

Cordelia had to agree with Harmony's initial assessment of Hermione. However, the girl wasn't totally unfortunate looking. She was actually quite pretty, other than the hair and eyebrows thing. Maybe if Cordelia taught her how to apply makeup properly…

Soon the train was off. Throughout the ride, the group chatted about various topics—classes, pop culture, Quidditch, and their respective schools. The Hogwarts students seemed greatly amused by Xander and Cordelia's death-defying tales of the hellmouth. Cordelia and Xander were equally impressed by the stories they heard about Hogwarts. When Harry and Ron spoke excitedly about the inter-house Quidditch tournament, Cordelia became especially animated.

"Ooh! Did you guys have cheerleader tryouts yet? Not to brag, but I was co-captain in Sunnydale…."

"Cheerleader tryouts?" Harry echoed.

"Yeah, you know… cheerleaders. You guys do have them… right?"

The blank looks of the Hogwarts students confirmed Cordelia's worst fears. "No cheerleaders? This is so wrong! I'm going to have to do something about."

"Ahh, Cordelia Chase, always looking for a worthy cause to get behind," Xander drawled.

"Speaking of worthy causes," Hermione spoke up, "have you two heard of S.P.E.W.?"

A collective groan sounded throughout the compartment. As Hermione explained the purpose of S.P.E.W., Cordelia broke in with, "But they're house elves. They're supposed to wait on us. It's like… what they _do_."

"Everyone has a right to their freedom," Hermione argued. "How would you like serving someone with no wages, no compensation…."

"But that's their calling, or whatever," Cordelia countered. "Kinda like slayers. Slayers slay vampires. House elves serve people."

"Yes, I'm sure house elves are chosen and possess super house-cleaning abilities," Xander jumped in. Not that he particularly agreed with Hermione, but goading Cordelia was just too hard to resist.

The debate over S.P.E.W. continued for several moments, before it was interrupted by a brief commotion when Xander's rat, Steve McQueen, escaped from his cage. At that precise moment, who should stroll into the compartment but Draco Malfoy, with his two lackeys in tow.

"Malfoy." Harry's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?"

"I was invited," Draco said coolly, with a glance at Cordelia.

She flashed him her brilliant smile. "Hi, Draco! I'd ask you to have a seat, but we seem to be out of room here—ow! Watch it, Xander!"

Xander, who was on his hands and knees hunting for Steve, and just crawled over her foot.

"These boots probably cost more than your entire wardrobe!" Cordelia fumed.

"They probably didn't cost as much as Pretty Boy's highlights," Xander muttered, tossing a glance up at Draco.

"Oh!" Cordelia glanced back up at their guest. "I've been meaning to ask you… can you recommend a good colorist? Because yours did a really good job…"

Draco wasn't listening, however. He was glaring at Xander, who glared back from his position on the floor.

"Are you looking for trouble, mudblood?" Draco sneered at him.

Xander did his best to look as intimidating as possible, considering he was kneeling at Cordelia's feet. "How do you know about my family?"

"Please, my father knows who all the important pureblood families are, even among you Americans," Draco told him haughtily. "If you were anyone important, I'd have known."

"Did you happen to hear anything about my family?" Cordelia interjected, but no one paid any attention to her.

"Oh yeah?" Xander demanded. "Well, mudblood or not, I've fought demons, vampires, and every other unholy creature living on top of the hellmouth. I'll be damned if I let some bleached-blond metrosexual scare me."

Xander was momentarily distracted by an odd choking sound as Hermione struggled to hold back a giggle.

Draco stepped forward, nearly shaking with rage. "What did you call me?"

"You know what I called you. And I am really going to regret this in the morning, aren't I?" Xander's hand inched toward his wand.

Draco's cro-magnon buddy stepped forward. "Can I hex him now?"

Fortunately, before the situation could escalate any further, a small gray shape leapt from one of the seats onto cro-magnon's face. He let out a scream of pain and rage as Steve McQueen's sharp teeth latched onto his bulbous nose, and despite all his flailing about and waving his arms, the rat's grip did not loosen. Draco reached for his wand, at the same time both Harry and Xander reached for theirs. Incantations flew thick and heavy as flashes of light illuminated the compartment. The end result of the spell was that cro-magnon boy had been turned into a giant squirrel. Meanwhile, Steve, unharmed, had scampered over to Cordelia's bag and was cowering in the side pocket with Amy.

Both Harry and Xander still had their wands out and were pointing them threateningly at Draco, who for once was at a loss for words. He and his buddies turned and fled, including Squirrel Boy.

Cordelia, however, had cradled her head in her hands. "This is a disaster," she groaned. "Thanks a lot, Xander… now we're all going to get detention before we even set foot in the school."

"Maybe, but it'll have been worth it," Ginny remarked with a snicker.

Hermione was shaking her head, but she couldn't help it—she grinned. "Goyle the Giant Squirrel… that mental image will stay with me for a while."

Xander was lapping up the female attention like a kid in a candy store. "Well, you know, I was going for a rat, but somehow that squirrel thing happened instead."

"And can you believe that Draco guy? What a jerk. I can't believe I thought he was hot." Scowling, Cordelia reached for her cell phone. "I have to call Harmony."

"I don't know if you're going to get signal out here," Xander told her. "As much pain as it will cause you not to talk to Harmony for half an hour, you'll probably have to owl her when you get there."

Sighing hugely, Cordelia replaced her phone in her bag. At least Harry hadn't turned out to be a jerk, which was the one bright spot in this whole debacle. Otherwise, Hogwarts was looking more like purgatory than ever.

NOTES:

Xander's rat, Steve McQueen, is a shout-out to the TV show _House_. In one episode, House attempts to trap a rat. He names it Steve McQueen because it kept escaping.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_Welcome to Hogwarts_

The gang arrived at Hogwarts to find a boisterous and slightly chaotic scene before them. A huge guy who looked like a cross between Grizzly Adams and a WWE member was herding a bunch of little kids onto a boat. Hermione noticed Cordelia's alarmed expression and said, "Oh, that's Hagrid. Don't be afraid of him… he's harmless."

Hagrid noticed Cordelia staring at him and waved to her, flashing a wide grin. Cordelia gave a polite smile back, then hurried to catch up with the rest of the gang.

"Eww, what are those things pulling the carriages?" she asked no one in particular, wrinkling her nose. The carriages were being drawn by creatures that looked sort of like hideous horses with wings.

"They're pretty gruesome, and we just came from the hellmouth," Xander remarked, following her gaze.

Harry turned to them in alarm. "You see them, too?"

"Yeah… doesn't everyone?" Cordelia asked.

"What are you three talking about?" Hermione spoke up. She was looking in the same direction as Harry, Cordelia, and Xander. "I don't see anything… just the carriages."

"Yeah, me too," Ron chimed in.

"Great, being stuck in such close quarters with Xander Harris is literally driving me crazy," Cordelia muttered.

"You? What about me?" Harry wanted to know. "I see them, too."

"Maybe we're like… special or something," Xander suggested. "Like Cordelia and I have some kinda hellmouth mojo. 'Course that doesn't explain you, Harry."

"Real helpful, Xander." Cordelia shot him a scathing look.

"Actually," piped up a dreamy-sounding voice, "I see them, too. I've been able to see them since the first year I got here." Cordelia and Xander's heads swiveled to behold a blonde girl with large, protuberant blue eyes and what looked like radishes dangling from her ears. _OK, these Brits have some weird fashion tastes,_ Cordelia reflected.

"Well, that just clears it right up," Xander remarked.

"Some people can see them… some can't," the blonde girl continued.

"And you're completely OK with being the only one who can see strange and ugly creatures?" Cordelia asked, not without a note of sarcasm.

The blonde girl shrugged. "I've gotten used to it."

"Ooook," Cordelia said once the spacey girl was out of earshot. "Who is that, and is she like…." She made a hand motion as though she were smoking a joint.

"Is she blowing kisses?" asked Hermione blankly.

Cordelia was too tired to explain. "Never mind."

"Ahh, I see you met Loony Lovegood," Ron said, falling into step beside her. "She's all right, I suppose."

"Her name is really Loony?"

"No, it's Luna." Hermione shot a disdainful look at Ron.

"She's actually kind of cute… interesting taste in clothes," Xander remarked, his eyes still on Luna's retreating figure.

"Yeah… she and Willow could totally be like, fashion sisters!" Cordelia cracked, never passing up a chance to take a dig at a Scooby.

Dinner in the Great Hall was quite an affair. "Wow, this is a change from the Sunnydale cafeteria," Xander observed, taking in the ambience. Hundreds of candles floated overhead, illuminating the room with a warm amber glow. The translucent figures of the castle's ghosts drifted about, mildly creeping Cordelia out. But, having lived over the hellmouth for so long, she was not easily fazed and got used to them quickly.

Hogwarts was quite a switch from Sunnydale, period. Cordelia and Xander had seen their share of bizarre sights back home--the gothic mansion on the other side of town, the sprawling cemetery with its ornate crypts and monuments—but nothing had prepared them for their new home this year. The school looked like something out of one of those creepy books Giles was always reading. Huge and imposing, it crouched atop the hill like a stone giant, its turrets and towers shrouded in a thick layer of mist. Cordelia shivered when they had first entered, not only from the cold and draft but also from the realization that she actually had to _live_ here.

It wasn't so bad now that she and Xander were seated in the dining hall, which despite its imposing size and medieval décor, was oddly homey with the candles all aglow and the chatter of students filling the air. Xander and Cordelia were seated with the first-years, which Cordelia at first found embarrassing, but now it was becoming annoying—did the little rugrats ever shut up? She and Xander were to be sorted with them during the ceremony. She found it tacky. Couldn't they just pick their houses? Surely they had a better clue where they belonged than a bunch of eleven-year-olds!

The two exchange students waited rather impatiently through Dumbledore's welcome speech, the introduction of Giles as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and the first years' sorting ceremony. When finally it was their turn, the hat proclaimed both Cordelia and Xander as Gryffindors.

"OK, now I _know_ I'm doing penance for something," Cordelia grumbled as she followed Xander to the Gryffindor table. "First, of all the students at Sunnydale, _you_ get picked to go abroad with me. Second, I find out I'm not going to France but to Fogville, England. And now we get sorted into the same house!" She looked up at the ceiling as if pleading with a higher being. "Have I gone to some special hell or something?"

"Yes, Cordelia," Xander said sarcastically. "The special hell they reserve for child molesters and stuck-up princesses who spend way too much money on shoes."

Cordelia whirled to face him, mouth agape. "Harris, if you don't shut up right now, _these_ shoes are going to kick you right in the--"

"Ahh, Gryffindors, I see," a familiar voice drawled beside them. Cordelia and Xander turned to find they were walking past the Slytherin table. Draco Malfoy and his two goons, whose names they learned were Crabbe and Goyle, sat there leering at them.

"Somehow, it figures," Draco went on tauntingly.

"Ahh, I see Goyle has solved his squirrel problem," Cordelia observed. "Seeing as you two have both enjoyed brief stints as rodents, it should give you something to talk about."

Draco's face went even paler, if possible. Cordelia just gave a satisfied smile and flounced off. On the train, Hermione had told her all about Draco's ferret incident.

"See, Xander," Cordelia said as he caught up with her, "if I'd _really_ gone to the special hell, I'd be in the same house as _him_."

Cordelia and Xander managed to locate Harry, Ginny, and the rest of the gang at the Gryffindor table. Ron seemed positively delighted that Cordelia had been sorted into the same house as him. Xander took the opportunity as yet another excuse to hit on poor Ginny.

"Well, fortune decided to smile down on me and put me in the same house with you," he said, sidling up to the redhead.

Cordelia made gagging noises as she sat down beside Harry.

Xander ignored her. Ginny smiled at him and said, "Actually, more like the sorting hat."

"I think he likes me," Xander remarked. "He'd make a good pet. Wouldn't have to feed him much. And every now and then, he might even sing me a jaunty tune."

Ginny giggled.

"I think I'm losing my appetite," Cordelia muttered.

Her appetite seemed to miraculously reappear, however, when the plates were filled and the feast began. Xander proceeded to stick toothpicks in his mouth to look like fangs and pretend to be a vampire, making Ginny and several younger girls giggle. Ron chattered to Cordelia throughout the meal, telling her he was going out for Quidditch this year. Cordelia, lapped up the attention, announcing her plans to start the first Gryffindor cheerleading squad.

After dinner, the students retired to their rooms. Lavender Brown had been sent to Sunnydale along with Dean Thomas, meaning Cordelia was now rooming with Hermione and Parvati, and Xander was rooming with Harry and Ron. Cordelia was clearly not pleased with the idea of sharing a room. "You mean we have to use a communal bathroom?" she demanded upon arriving, wrinkling her nose. "Gross!"

She wasn't particularly impressed by having to tell the fat lady a password before heading into the Gryffindor tower, either. "'I like cheese?'" she asked. "What kind of stupid password is that? I can't believe I have to live in a tower that requires conversing with a portrait to enter."

The fat lady took offense at this. "Well!" she sniffed. "I never!"

Cordelia just sneered at her and walked past.

When the Sunnydale transport arrived in her new lodgings, Hermione and Parvati watched in awe as several house elves brought in her massive suitcases. Cordelia must have used some kind of charm to fit all her possessions in two (albeit, mammoth-sized) suitcases, because she had a seemingly endless supply of clothes and shoes. Hermione and Parvati glanced at each other as Cordelia continued to hang sundresses, halter tops, and miniskirts in the wardrobe. When did she think she was going to wear all that stuff? Her clothes would be hidden under her robes, and most of the time it was too cold to wear those clothes, anyway.

Cordelia seemed undaunted by this fact as she finally placed the last pair of shoes in the already overstuffed wardrobe—as her roommates had suspected, she used magic to fit all of her things in it. She grinned. "I'm glad I brought my cheerleading uniform—Gryffindor even has the same colors as Sunnydale!" she chirped, striding back to the bed. She had changed into a powder-blue Juicy Couture sweatsuit and picked up the same issue of Cosmo she'd been reading on the train. _How to snag a sexy wizard in 10 days!_ one of the cover headlines read. Another more perplexing one said, _Work Your Magic: How to light up his wand._

Meanwhile, in the boys' dormitory, Xander had unpacked his duffel bag and was getting along famously with his roommates. Seamus and Neville were fascinated by his tales of the hellmouth and even more so by the slayer, whom Xander described as a "kickass blonde hottie." He even fished out a picture of her to show them. "Yup, I was right," Ron surmised upon seeing the picture. "These American chicks are hot!"

"So this Cordelia girl," Ron, said, munching on a licorice wand. "Tell me about her… she doesn't have some boyfriend back in Sunnydale, does she?"

Xander couldn't help but wince inwardly at that. "Nope, I doubt some guy could hold Cordelia's attention that long, especially overseas."

"I bet she's really popular," Ron said, looking a bit crestfallen.

"'Queen C?' Yeah, you could say that," Xander told him. "I mean, here she is at a new school, and her biggest concern is forming a Gryffindor cheerleading squad."

"Cheerleaders?" Ron looked fascinated.

The night passed rather uneventfully, barring an incident in which Steve McQueen escaped again. Seamus Finnegan awoke in the middle of the night to an odd crawling sensation on his shoulder, only to open his eyes to see two beady black ones staring back at him. The boy let out a shriek that woke the entire room. Xander trudged out of bed, groggily placed his rat back in its cage, and all was peaceful again.

The next day, the new students attracted almost as much attention as the classes—in some cases, more so. Cordelia may have been conservatively dressed in her new Hogwarts robes and black Donna Karan boots, her hair pulled back in a low ponytail, but she still turned several male heads as she followed Hermione through the halls. Ron tagged along, offering to carry Cordelia's oversized Shelly Litvak tote and offering her every flavor jelly beans, since he knew she liked them. He waited patiently as she picked out her favorites, and he happily ate the ones she deemed "icky."

Hermione regarded Ron's behavior with digust. Sure, Cordelia was pretty, but she was also shallow, spoiled, and talked too much. When she did, she was usually complaining, bickering with Xander, or holding Ron entranced with her fascinating discussions on fashion designers, cheerleading, and the various exotic locales her family visited. Occasionally she had some exciting Hellmouth story to tell but it usually revolved around her being elected May Queen or being pursued romantically by a vampire, zombie, or some other enamored undead.

Hermione noticed that she wasn't the only one sick of Ron and Cordelia. Xander eyed the redheaded boy with suspicion, brown eyes narrowing to slits as Ron tried to impress her with silly jokes and amusing inventions by his twin brothers Fred and George. He seemed to move closer to Cordelia whenever Ron was around, and never left them alone for long if he could help it. Hermione's suspicions were definitely piqued. What exactly was the nature of Xander and Cordelia's relationship? Neither could seem to abide the other's company, yet their familiarity with each other, even while hurling insults, suggested that at some point they must have been friends… or perhaps something more.

The gang had most of their classes together, including Defense Against the Dark Arts with Mr. Giles. "Well, Giles must feel right at home here," Cordelia remarked as the group strode toward the classroom. "Surrounded by moldy old books and stuffy British stuff—no offense or anything."

"None taken," Ron assured her, struggling under the load of his own books and Cordelia's overstuffed tote.

"Hey Weasel, nice to see you embracing your feminine side," a sardonic voice spoke up. Draco Malfoy was strolling by, throwing an amused glance at Cordelia's tote. Her copy of the witches' edition of _Cosmo_ was sticking out the top.

"Interested in learning how to light up Potter's wand?" Goyle piped up, and he and Crabbe laughed like insane baboons.

"Actually, that's Malfoy's area of expertise," Cordelia said archly, pulling Ron into Giles' classroom behind her. The redheaded boy managed to catch a glimpse of Malfoy's stunned expression before stumbling after Cordelia.

"That was awesome," Ron declared, gazing at his companion in awe.

Hermione looked as though she had been sucking on a lemon. Xander rolled his eyes and plopped down on a chair, propping his converse sneaker-clad feet on the desk.

"So, British man, are you going to be flexing your magical muscle for us?" he asked Giles, who stood at the front of the classroom shuffling through his lesson plans.

"Xander, in the classroom you will call me Mr. Giles," the librarian-turned-teacher said firmly. "And… for pity's sake, feet on the floor!"

Xander, chastised, did as he was told.

When the bell had rung and Giles had finished introducing himself, he handed out the syllabus for the term and went over it with the students. "To answer Mr. Harris's crudely phrased question, we will be practicing magic in this class," he informed his students. "However, before we begin, it essential that you gather the proper knowledge first. While one cannot master magic without practice, to practice magic without proper knowledge can have disastrous results."

"Ahh, now that's the Giles I know," Xander murmured.

Not surprisingly, they were assigned thirty pages of reading that night, the most homework of any class thus far.

"Come on, Giles, have some pity," Xander pleaded when the class had been dismissed. "It's our first day."

Giles looked bewildered. "It's just a bit of light reading… an overview mostly. It's even been translated from its original Sumerian."

Still displeased, Xander slunk out of the classroom after Cordelia and their new friends, leaving Giles alone. He had a free period, and thought he would use it to go over his next lesson plan.

Barely a few minutes had passed before an uneasy sensation crept over the ex-librarian, as if he were being watched. He looked up to find a black-robed, greasy-haired figure standing in the doorway, a look of recognition across his pale and angular face.

"Hello, Ripper," said Severus Snape. "It's been a long time."

NOTES:

Xander's line about the "special hell" is a paraphrase of a line on the TV show _Firefly_. The original line was spoken by Book in episode 1x06 "Our Mrs. Reynolds."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

_The Plot Thickens_

The school was buzzing about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the rest of the day. While walking to divination class, Ron and Harry overheard a couple of Hufflepuff girls talking about how cute he was.

"Cute? Mr. Giles is like… old." Ron wrinkled his nose.

Harry shrugged. "Maybe they have a thing for guys with glasses?" There were moments when he seriously didn't get girls.

He and Ron had just taken a seat in divination and were getting out their books when a straggler rushed into class, just as the bell was ringing. Breathless, Cordelia plopped down at the table between them. "Jeez, this school is confusing… the moving staircases don't help." She dumped her tote unceremoniously on the floor and got out her book.

"You're taking divination?" Ron asked, clearly pleased at this turn of events.

"Well, yeah. I could've taken arithmancy with Hermione, I suppose, but this sounded more interesting, and I needed a break. Don't get me wrong, I like Hermione and all, but she's been driving me crazy! Ya know?"

Ron nodded understandingly.

Professor Trelawney called the class to order, then proceeded take roll. When she got to Cordelia, the spacey woman glanced at her with great curiosity. "Ahh, one of our new exchange students… welcome!"

She walked closer to the table and peered at Cordelia with her disconcertingly huge eyes. "Your aura is most fascinating… such youthful innocence, yet such an old soul. You have seen much in your sixteen years."

"Well, I did grow up over the hellmouth," Cordelia remarked, but her slightly irritated expression belied her airy tone.

"Great things are in store for you," Professor Trelawney continued. "But first, you will be tested."

"Wonderful." Cordelia replied with the enthusiasm of someone about to undergo a root canal. At that moment, something in the professor's features shifted, and a look of recognition flashed briefly across her face. This did not go unnoticed by Cordelia, who glanced away uncomfortably.

Fortunately, Professor Trelawney turned and walked back to the front of the room and resumed the roll call. After a while, Harry and Ron forgot about the incident with Cordelia as they attempted to one-up each other on ridiculous predictions of their future demises. They were supposed to be gleaning their predictions from a crystal ball sitting on the desk, but frankly, neither boy could see anything in it but their distorted reflections.

"I predict that I will die a glorious hero's death protecting a beautiful woman from a vampire," Ron predicted, looking right at Cordelia.

The brunette, however, had focused her attention on a different target. Raising her gaze from the crystal ball to Harry, she said, "I predict that a Hogwarts student and a foreign exchange student will go on a date soon."

Harry, not quite sure what to say to that, replied with, "And, umm… what happens on that date?"

"Well," Cordelia answered, peering into the crystal ball, "I foresee fine dining in Hogsmeade. I trust that the Hogwarts student knows of a good restaurant. Next they will catch the Dingoes Ate My Baby Show at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Dingoes Ate My Baby?" Harry echoed blankly.

"Yeah… you know, one of the coolest rock bands in the wizarding world?" Cordelia said, as though it should've been obvious. "They started off in Sunnydale."

"Really." He was certainly showing his sterling conversational skills.

"Yeah, I used to date Devon, the lead singer. But now we're just friends. He really wasn't a good boyfriend at all. But enough about him already. I believe the show coincides with our first visit to Hogsmeade." Cordelia flashed her dazzling smile.

"Uhh… that's cool." Harry hoped he didn't look as uncomfortable as he felt. Sure, it was flattering to have the gorgeous American girl flirt with him, but he wasn't used to this, and he sure didn't know how to respond to her. Besides, what about Ron? The redheaded boy had been sitting there the whole time, eyeing the exchange with a mixture of shock and horror.

Fortunately, Harry was saved from the conversation when the bell rang. The students flooded out the classroom in a mass exodus, and Cordelia had to part company with Harry and Ron since they did not have their next class together. "So I guess we'll meet up again in…." She consulted her schedule card. "Potions. Cool. Later, you two!" She flashed her stunning smile over her shoulder before striding off down the hall.

As soon as she was gone, Ron turned to Harry with a look of betrayal across his face. "Harry, how could you?" he demanded. "You knew I was crazy about her. I was wearing her down, too. But no, the Boy Who Lived has to swoop in with his quidditch-seeker, dark-haired, glasses-are-sexy mojo. How about leaving some scraps for us regular guys, huh?"

Harry turned to Ron, feeling both guilty and bewildered at the same time. "I have a mojo?" he echoed stupidly.

"Duh!" Ron scowled. "Girls are into you. You're the famous Harry Potter! Not to mention the whole quidditch seeker thing. I swear that works better than any love potion!"

"Girls like you, too," Harry argued, finding himself in the midst of an intensely awkward conversation for the second time that day.

"Not as long as you're around, they don't." Ron's face looked positively stormy by now.

"Ron… I didn't tell Cordelia to say those things to me," Harry placated. "But I won't go out with her if you don't want me to."

If anything, that comment just infuriated Ron even more. "Yeah, so you can just resent me for guilt-tripping you out of going out with the hot American girl? Just… oh, forget it!" He stormed off.

"Ron!" Harry called after his friend. "You're going the wrong way. Our next class is that way." He pointed.

Ron turned around, only to throw a fierce glare at Harry and say, "Do you mind? I'm trying to make a dramatic exit!"

"Oh," Harry said sheepishly. "Well… I just didn't want you to be late…"

"Oh… bollocks!" Ron whirled around and strode past Harry.

Confused and upset, Harry let him go. Perhaps it would be best to let Ron blow off steam before confronting him again. Harry sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. How on earth had he gotten himself into this mess?

"Girls!" he muttered, then set off behind Ron for their next class.

* * *

Matters with Ron had not improved by the time Harry walked into Potions. Ron had not even acknowledged Harry's presence, opting instead to sit with Neville Longbottom. Harry sat alone, hoping nobody was paying any attention to him.

No such luck. "Awww, what's wrong, Potter? You and Weasel have a lovers' spat?" Malfoy drawled from a desk nearby, where he was sitting with Crabbe and Goyle.

Harry just glared at him, resenting that no witty comeback had sprung to his lips. But he needn't have worried, for the queen of comebacks had one readily available.

"Draco, don't you know it's poor form to move in on Harry when he's still vulnerable?" Cordelia asked with mock concern, pausing by the Slytherin's desk. "Surely you don't want to be his rebound boy." With that, she swept past, unable to keep the smug grin off her face.

Meanwhile, Draco was rapidly turning as red as Ron's hair. "You are so going down, Chase!" he threatened.

"Witness me shaking in my designer boots," Cordelia snarked in return, sliding into the seat next to Harry. "This seat taken?" she asked, and without waiting for an answer, got out her potions book and plopped it onto the desk.

From across the room, Ron's eyes shot daggers at his best friend, who shifted awkwardly in his seat.

Snape strode to the front of the classroom, all dark robes and greasy hair, and called the class to order. Cordelia took notes diligently, surprising Harry yet again. He hadn't figured her to be the studious type.

"Today you will be brewing Energy Elixir. It's meant to give the tired and overworked wizard or witch an instant lift. Use sparingly," Snape warned. "This potion is not meant to be a substitute for a proper night's sleep, for if taken in excess it may cause bouts of extreme hyperactivity and an insatiable craving for a muggle beverage called 'Pepsi.'"

"Pepsi?" Cordelia echoed blankly, seemingly unfazed by Snape's perpetual I've-been-sucking-on-a-lemon expression. "That's random."

"Energy Elixir was invented by a witch named Rachel Luckenbach, who had a great fascination with muggles," the potions master explained blandly. "Apparently she loved that 'Pepsi' beverage."

Snape had them brew up a batch of Energy Elixir for the day's assignment. Harry and Cordelia gathered the ingredients and set to work, referring to their textbook and their notes. Harry peered at Cordelia's notes to find pictures of butterflies and flowers scrawled across the parchment.

Cordelia caught him looking and shrugged. "Potions comes naturally to me," she explained. "My mother is always mixing perfumes and youth elixirs and stuff. She used to be a model, you know. Now she's working on launching her own cosmetics company for the hip modern witch. 'Charisma' by Elinor Chase." Cordelia rolled her eyes.

Harry just nodded and said "Oh." He watched as Cordelia doled out portions of the Energy Elixir ingredients as casually as though she were selecting what earrings to wear. Harry winced slightly as she tossed various ingredients into the potion, chattering the whole time. But the potion continued to bubble placidly in their cauldron, changing from a dull brown to a bright pink, just as it was supposed to according to their textbook.

"…. So tryouts are being held next week in the Room of Requirement. Anyone's welcome to watch," Cordelia was saying. "I suppose I could order some uniforms from Sunnydale's supplier… shipping is going to kill us, though. By the way, have you given any thought to my prediction in divination earlier?"

"Huh?" Harry had been monitoring the potion while Cordelia talked about her plans for the Gryffindor cheerleader squad. That last sentence instantly caught his attention, however, and he felt his ears go red.

"You know, Dingoes Ate my Baby? Leaky Cauldron?" Cordelia prompted him.

"Oh. Umm… yeah, they sound cool," Harry remarked.

"Totally!" said Cordelia enthusiastically, throwing a pinch of belladonna essence into the cauldron, which bubbled furiously until it settled down again. "I think a lot of Hogwarts students will be there. It's gonna be awesome. Show starts at eight, but be there by seven-thirty because it's gonna be crowded. Meet me there?"

"Umm… OK," Harry agreed, his head spinning, as much from the potions assignment as from this conversation with Cordelia. What had just happened?

"Sweet!" Cordelia began stirring the potion with relish.

Meanwhile, Snape was walking around the room, peering critically into people's cauldrons and uttering critiques for almost everyone—excepting Malfoy, of course. He passed Ron and Neville's table and scowled at them with great disdain. "Your potion's supposed to be pink, not neon green. Too much celery." He moved on casually as Ron and Neville scrambled to fix their botched concoction.

Next, Snape passed by Cordelia and Harry's table. Harry winced inwardly, steeling himself, but Snape simply peered down at the potion, nodded his approval and said, "Very good, Miss Chase." He didn't acknowledge Harry at all.

Cordelia opened her mouth to stand up for her partner, but before she could say anything, her lovely features twisted into a grimace, as though she were suffering from a horrible headache. With a gasp, she doubled over in front of the desk, clutching her head.

"Cordelia?" Harry asked with concern. He was at her side just in time—she teetered briefly on her stiletto boots before pitching backwards, right into Harry. Hermione, who had been working with Parvati, rushed over and supported Cordelia's other side. Xander, who was across the room working with Seamus, immediately abandoned his potion and ran over, worry etched deeply across his brown eyes.

Meanwhile, Cordelia was still conscious, but just barely. Her body was overtaken by spasms of wrenching pain as flashes of light burst out in front of her closed eyes. The flashes alternated with brief but vivid images. _A woman…a corridor… something was moving toward her, something violent and sinister… eyes wide open in terror, the woman screamed…_ Fear. Cordelia tasted it, bitter and raw and biting. It wrapped her tongue and filled her mouth like the coppery taste of blood. The intense terror overtook her and she shuddered, gripping the hand holding hers with bone-breaking force.

Meanwhile, the other potions students looked on in shock and horror as Snape rushed over, dark robes billowing behind him. "What's going on here?" he demanded. The students in front of him parted like the Red Sea. He immediately glared at Harry, as though he were somehow responsible for the disturbance, but Harry was too distracted to be angry. He and Hermione were holding Cordelia up while she thrashed about in pain, and as the effects of the vision seemed to be subsiding, Cordelia's death-grip on Xander's hand relaxed.

"Cordelia… Cordy, are you all right?" Xander asked frantically. Ron and Hermione exchanged a glance. Neither of them had heard him address Cordelia by a nickname before.

Cordelia's eyelids fluttered open, and she groaned softly. "She's coming around," someone said unnecessarily.

"Cordelia, what happened?" asked Hermione with great concern.

Cordelia, looking panicked, turned to her and said, "I had a vision. A woman. She's in great danger. She's scared… we have to help her." Cordelia licked her dry lips and tasted blood, indicating she had bitten her tongue.

"We'll help her," Xander promised. "But we need to find out what's happened to you."

"I told you… it was a vision," Cordelia insisted. "It was real, Xander… I know it sounds crazy, but it was real. You have to believe me."

"I believe you," he said with a calm that belied the deep worry in his eyes. "But first we've got to take care of you."

Cordelia shook her head stubbornly. "I'm fine. But this woman… if we don't do something, she's going to die!" She struggled to a sitting position, clearly still in some pain but determined to show that she was all right. "She… she had dark hair, I think. She was standing in a corridor of some kind. There were big curtains. And statues. And she umm… she knows magic. She had a wand in her hand, but whatever was attacking her got to her before she could use it."

An odd look came over Snape's face, but it disappeared before Harry could be sure. "Potter, Granger, take her to Madame Pomfrey," the potions master barked before anyone else could react. "As for the rest of you, back to your seats."

"Professor Snape, can I go, too?" Xander asked, clearly unwilling to leave Cordelia's side.

"I think two people will be enough to escort Miss Chase, Mr. Harris," was Snape's cool reply. "Now get back to your seat before I dock points from Gryffindor."

Displeased, Xander shot a fierce glare at the potions master's back before returning to his desk with Seamus.

Meanwhile, Cordelia got shakily to her feet, with Harry and Hermione's help. Still heavily supported by her two friends, she made her way out of the room with them. Both Harry and Hermione exchanged worried looks. It seemed that no matter what they did, a normal, uneventful year at Hogwarts was too much to hope for. In addition, neither of them could shake the feeling that Cordelia's vision was only the first strange occurance of the school year.

* * *

NOTES:

Ron's speech to Harry about Cordelia—"Harry, how could you?" and so forth--uses some lines from the TV show "Angel." The lines were originally spoken by Doyle to Angel in episode 1.05 "Rm W/ a Vu"

The "Energy Elixir" is a potion made up by me. The Pepsi and "Rachel Luckenbach" is a shout-out to the fabulous Smatbabie. The celery reference is a shout-out to my ever-awesome beta, Katie.

Cordelia's mother's "Charisma" cosmetics line is a nod to the actress who plays Cordelia, Charisma Carpenter.

For all you canon-thumpers out there, yes, Cordelia's visions happen very much earlier in this fic. However, the explanation behind them and outcome will be different. This story is extremely AU and not even trying to be canon other than the characters' personalities, so… meh, just read it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**_  
The Scoobies: British Edition_

As soon as the day's classes were over, Xander, Ron, Hermione, and Harry immediately headed to the hospital wing to visit Cordelia. To their surprise, the cheerleader was sitting up in bed, fully dressed, and arguing with Madame Pomfrey. "I'm telling you, I'm fine," she insisted. "I mean, yeah, at the time I thought my head was going to split open, but it's all right now."

"Cordelia, we're still not sure what's happened to you," the matron insisted. "I've never heard of violent headaches accompanied by visions before."

"Yeah, well, lucky me, I pioneered it," Cordelia muttered. "Look, you're not going to find out any more about my visions by keeping me cooped up in here. You've tried every magic-aura-whatever-detecting spell on me, and come up with nothing conclusive. I doubt anything is going to change, except for me getting very cranky."

With that, Cordelia folded her arms and gazed challengingly at Madame Pomfrey. The stare had its desired effect. The school matron reluctantly agreed to let Cordelia return to Gryffindor tower, provided she take it easy and rest for the remainder of the day.

"Hey guys!" Cordelia said brightly upon glimpsing Xander and their new friends. "Thanks for coming! Even though I was just leaving."

"It's all right… we'll walk you back to the tower," Hermione offered. Cordelia fell into step beside her as the others crowded around them.

"So you're really fine?" asked Ron with concern, making sure to walk on the other side of Cordelia from Harry.

"I'm really fine," Cordelia assured him. "But what about that poor woman? Did anyone help her?"

"We don't know," Xander answered. "After you guys left, Snape told us to work on our potions and took off. He was gone for a while. He came back just in time to test us, though," he added resentfully.

"Oh… so how did we do?" Cordelia asked Harry. "I mean, I know I didn't get to finish…."

"It's OK," Harry assured her. "We passed."

"Yeah, unlike us," Ron grumbled. "He should've let us off. What a wank."

"OK, that is _not_ a nice mental picture," Cordelia said, wrinkling her delicate nose. "Do you think Snape told anyone important? I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but this vision was real. I'm convinced of it. I _felt_ that woman's fear, almost like I was living it myself. I don't know how anyone could make something like that up."

"Some curses can be pretty powerful," Hermione told her.

"Yeah, but if it was a curse, wouldn't Madame Pomfrey's spells have picked it up? You heard me tell her they were inconclusive."

"Some curses could escape detection, I suppose," Hermione said, "but only a few such curses have been recorded, and none of them involve visions."

"Yeah, and if there's any book that might tell us, she's read it," Ron assured Cordelia. Hermione shot him a dirty look.

"We believe you, Cordelia," Xander assured her. "And if someone is magically messing with you, we'll fix it."

Cordelia shot him a surprised but grateful look.

"Tomorrow we'll go to Giles," Xander went on. "This is like, his area of expertise."

"Curses?" Hermione asked.

"No, hitting a bunch of ancient boring books to find out what's going on."

"Giles and Hermione have that in common," Ron said, earning him a punch him in the arm from Hermione.

The next morning, Harry awoke to a burning pain on his forehead. Grimacing, he raised his hand to the throbbing scar.

"Hey Harry, you all right, man?" Xander asked, having just woken up to get ready for breakfast.

Harry glanced at the American boy, nodding weakly. "Just a headache."

"Maybe you should go to Madame Pomfrey. She'll probably have something for that," Xander suggested.

"I'll be fine," Harry assured him, even though he was still in quite a bit of pain.

Fortunately for Harry, Xander let the subject drop and continued getting dressed, throwing on his robes over a Hawaiian shirt and khaki pants. "Well, we'd better get going. As much as I miss Mom's famous Eggos-with-artificially-flavored-maple-syrup-food-products, the breakfast in this joint is awesome."

"Muggles eat some strange food," Ron remarked, having roused himself out of bed at the sound of Harry and Xander's voices.

"But Ron, you haven't truly lived till you've had reheated egg foo yung from Kow's Chinese Kitchen for breakfast," Xander informed him.

Xander and Ron continued chatting about muggle food as Harry got cleaned up and dressed, and gradually, the pain in his scar subsided. However, the uneasy feeling the incident gave him remained throughout the morning.

At breakfast the next morning, Cordelia entered the Great Hall with a feeling of trepidation. Only her second day of classes, and already people were talking about her—and it was not the kind of talking she liked.

A few heads turned when she walked in, and the Slytherins glanced at each other and whispered. Some of her fellow Gryffindors asked if she was OK. But overall, Cordelia was pleased to find that matters weren't as bad as she'd feared.

"We've seen a lot of weird things in this school," Hermione explained as they took a seat with Ron and Harry.

"You're saying this to a girl who found a decapitated teacher in a refrigerator and whose friend found an _extreme_ dead guy in her gym locker."

"As opposed to slightly dead," Xander clarified. Cordelia threw him a withering look.

A gaggle of owls flew into the hall, bringing letters and parcels to the students. A tiny gray owl proceeded to nosedive to the table and landed with a splash in a pitcher of orange juice.

"Ew!" Cordelia exclaimed, scooting away as Ron fished Pigwidgeon out of the pitcher. With a grimace, Cordelia shoved the pitcher toward him.

Meanwhile, another owl had dropped Hermione's copy of _The Daily Prophet_ onto the table. Hermione picked it up to see the top headline declaring, "Ministry Official Saved From Attack."

"Hey, guys, check this out," Hermione spoke up, catching the attention of her friends. They immediately leaned across the table to peer at the newspaper.

"Kassandra Kyle, Ministry of Magic official and renowned historian, narrowly escaped attack yesterday afternoon," the article began. "An anonymous tip arrived at the Ministry of Magic via owl, alerting her colleagues of the danger. A group of aurors was dispatched to retrieve her, only to find her under attack by a mysterious assailant. Neither Kyle nor the aurors was able to provide a detailed description of the attacker. It is uncertain if the attacker was even human. 'When we arrived at the scene, Kassandra's attacker vanished in a cloud of black smoke,' says Nymphadora Tonks, one of the aurors. 'The attacker was gone before we could make out anything more.'

"Kyle, meanwhile, was shaken but unhurt. She was caught completely off-guard, she said, and was unaware of the danger until Tonks and her fellow aurors arrived on the scene.

"Kassandra Kyle is best known for her research in the history of magic. She has made great strides in unveiling secrets of powerful and ancient magics long lost to the modern wizarding world. She made waves with her latest project, in which she intends to uncover a form of magic so old, it pre-dates the majority of published histories."

"Oooh, I've heard of her!" Hermione exclaimed. "She's caused quite a bit of controversy with her research. Some people call her a hack, claiming she's made all this stuff up. I've been wanting to check out her work, but they keep it in the restricted section."

Next to the article was a picture of Kassandra Kyle. She was a handsome woman in her mid-to-late forties, with long dark hair.

"Is that the woman you saw, Cordelia?" Xander asked.

She nodded, her face pale in the morning sunlight slanting through the high windows. "That's her."

"So the vision was real," Ron murmured.

"And someone saved her," Cordelia said with relief. "I guess Snape sent in the tip."

"It could've been anyone," Harry pointed out, reluctant to attribute such an altruistic act to his least favorite teacher. "Your vision happened in front of the entire class."

"Well, at least she's safe, and that's the important thing," Cordelia concluded. "We'll go to Giles today and tell him. He'll help us get to the bottom of this."

Harry was going to tell Ron and Hermione about his scar hurting, but figured he'd best wait till they had more privacy. Besides, at the moment, a gang of Slytherins passed by. "Hey, Chase… see any visions this morning?" Draco taunted.

"Actually, I saw a vision of you buying some designer knockoff robes. Don't worry, hon, no one can tell the difference." She winked.

Draco was unperturbed. "I'd watch my step if I were you. Nothing good comes of students who see and hear strange things in this school."

"In that case, you're doomed. You look at Crabbe and Squirrelface every day," Cordelia pointed out.

Goyle's face turned red and blotchy, but Draco didn't rise to the bait. "Looks like Potter has some company in the freak department," he said with a sneer. "You two are a match made in heaven."

Hermione shoved the pitcher forward. "Here, have some orange juice."

Crabbe took the pitcher and the gang departed. Grimacing, Cordelia stabbed her fork into her pancakes violently. "What a jerk. Harry, you'll kick his ass for me in the first Quidditch match, right?" She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously at him. Only Cordelia could get away with such a move.

"I'll do my best," Harry promised. Ron and Xander looked ill.

"Wow, sitting with these two is the best diet ever," Xander muttered, "because I just lost my appetite."

On the way out of the Great Hall, Harry pulled Ron and Hermione aside and told them about the incident with his scar. His friends became alarmed.

"Oh, no… you don't think it has anything to do with what happened yesterday, does it?" Ron asked with concern.

"You think you-know-who is involved?" Hermione shuddered.

"Hey guys… who the heck is you-know-who?" Cordelia had caught up with them, catching the trio off-guard.

They managed to exchange a three-way glance—not the easiest task. Could they trust Cordelia with this knowledge?

"Umm… just someone I know," Hermione covered hastily.

Cordelia was puzzled for a moment, then comprehension dawned over her pretty face. "Ahh… I get it," she said. "It's like, one of those traumatic relationships you totally don't wanna think about or even say his name, right? I feel ya."

Hermione nodded, trying to look as though she understood. The group fell silent as they walked to their first class, with the exception of Cordelia, who seemed to have an endless capacity to chatter on and on about the most innocuous topics. However, at least they could rest assured that she was indeed completely recovered from her vision.

The gang lingered behind after the day's Defense Against the Dark Arts class to talk to Giles. They proceeded to fill their teacher in about Cordelia's vision, but Giles interrupted before they got very far. "I know," he told them. "Word travels quickly in this school."

"So you know that my vision was real," Cordelia told him. "That woman… the one I saw… she really was in danger. Aurors rescued her."

"Yes, I read that in the Daily Prophet this morning."

"So I'm like a little freaked out," Cordelia went on. "Actually, a lot freaked out. What's the deal, Giles? Have you ever heard of anything like this?"

Giles took off his glasses and began to clean them. "Well… we know that many seers exist in the wizarding world. One of your own teachers, Sibyll Trelawney, is supposedly one of them." The ex-librarian ignored Ron's snort. "It's quite possible that you may be a seer, Cordelia, although sixteen is a bit late to be just developing your powers."

"Well, yeah… but I doubt Professor Trelawney suffers mind-splitting migraines when she sees into the future," Cordelia said dryly. "Although if she does, that explains a lot."

"Maybe they drove her mad," Ron cracked.

"I haven't read of any incidences of pain being associated with visions," Giles mused, not acknowledging the redheaded boy's remark. "Cordelia is an interesting case, indeed."

"It's my pleasure being such a fascinating case study," said the cheerleader, voice dripping sarcasm.

"Do you think Cordelia could be under a curse that can escape detection?" Hermione asked Giles. "Madame Pomfrey's tests were inconclusive. According to the Lichenbachen Codex, only an extremely powerful wizard could create such a curse, and only a few have been recorded in history. None of them seem to involve painful visions."

"Oh, you're familiar with the Codex?" Giles asked, instantly perking up. "It's a fascinating read. Quite thorough and informative."

"Yes, I read almost the entire thing last year. The translated version, that is. My Latin isn't good enough to read the original."

"I think Giles has found his soulmate," Xander remarked, in awe.

"OK, guys, as touched as I am by your bookworm bonding, can we get back to my visions here?" Cordelia cut in.

"Ahhh… well… the upshot is that if you are under a curse, Cordelia, we have to figure out who could've cast it, and why," Giles informed her. "As far as I know, there are only a few wizards in the world with that kind of power, and one of them is our headmaster. Obviously, it isn't Professor Dumbledore, which narrows our options even more."

An uneasy shiver moved through Harry at Giles's words. He hadn't mentioned his scar yet, unsure if he could trust the ex-librarian. After all, their last Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had proven to be a death-eater disguising himself with polyjuice potion. Voldemort was certainly powerful enough to create such a curse, particularly since he was no longer in his weakened state.

"We'll meet at the library following your afternoon round of classes to do some research," Giles announced.

"It won't be long, will it?" Cordelia asked worriedly. "Because tonight's the first practice for the Gryffindor cheerleading tryouts. I have to teach these girls a dance routine and cheer by next week."

"Mind-splitting visions? They pale in comparison to the almighty cheerleader tryouts," Xander said sarcastically, earning him a caustic look from Cordelia.

Giles, too, looked rather exasperated. "I'll try not to keep you too long," he said dryly. Good old Cordelia, just the girl you wanted to have the fate of the world in her hands.

After their last class, Harry and Ron arrived at the library to find Hermione already there, with Giles. They had already staked out a private study room for the group. Harry and Ron joined them, dropping their book bags rather noisily on the floor and earning a fierce glare from Madame Pince. Hermione and Giles had been deep in conversation about gypsy curses and already had several moldy old books open in front of them.

Cordelia and Xander showed up next. A grinning Xander was carrying a pink cardboard box, which he placed proudly in the center of the table. "I come bearing sustenance," he declared. "Doughnuts. One of the finest inventions by those crafty muggles. I bribed Dobby to sneak me some from the kitchen."

"Bribed him with what?" Cordelia asked, cynically.

"I gave him some pink plastic hair clip with rhinestones on it. Found it in my bag the other day… figured you wouldn't miss it. He said he'd give it to Winky. That sly dog." Xander winked.

"Ew, that clip isn't mine. It's probably Buffy's. Like I'd wear anything that tacky." Cordelia wrinkled her nose.

Thus began the research session. The first hour passed rather uneventfully, and little progress was made. Giles got up to fetch another book, leaving the students alone in the study room. Xander quickly seized the opportunity to make a food run, having finished off the doughnuts, and Cordelia excused herself for the bathroom.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione took advantage of the alone time to discuss Harry's suspicions regarding his scar.

"You really think it's… you know, _him_?" Hermione asked in a hushed tone. "He's definitely powerful enough to curse Cordelia."

"It makes sense," Harry told her. "The timing and all."

"Yes, but why would you-know-who send Cordelia a vision _thwarting_ an attack on a ministry official?" Hermione wanted to know. "You'd think he would be all for it."

Harry frowned, having to concede she had a point. "Maybe it was to give her a false sense of security?" he suggested. "He'd have a few of her visions come true so she'd get complacent, and then start sending her misleading ones… you know, to throw us all off."

"Possibly," Ron said grudgingly, still avoiding talking to Harry unless absolutely necessary. "But why her? What does she have to do with any of this?"

"He could be using her to get to me."

"Maybe, but there are many people closer to you he could've targeted," Hermione countered. "I mean, you two hardly know each other."

"Yeah, well, that's going to change soon," Ron said, glaring at Harry. Hermione looked bewildered. "Harry and Cordelia are going on a date," Ron explained.

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. "Oh, really?"

Harry felt his cheeks begin to tingle. "We're going to the Dingoes Ate My Baby show at the Leaky Cauldron. It's during our first Hogsmeade visit."

"I take it she asked you out?"

"Yes, I guess you could say that." Harry was getting even more flustered. "Umm, not to be rude, but could we get back to the subject of Cordelia's visions and Vol--"

"Ssshhh!" Ron interrupted hastily. "You mustn't say his name!"

Just then, the sound of heels clicking on the scratched linoleum floor alerted them that Cordelia had returned from the bathroom. "So what are you all talking about?" she asked, sounding bored. "Not Hermione's ex again?"

Hermione looked startled. "Wh-what?"

"You know… that dude you were talking about earlier," said Cordelia offhandedly. "You-know-who."

"Oh. Oh, _him_," Hermione said, remembering. "Yeah. That guy."

"So who is it, anyway? Anyone I know?" Cordelia asked. "You might as well tell me… I'm going to find out eventually."

"Umm… he, ummm…" Hermione fumbled for a story. "He graduated."

"It ended badly," Ron jumped in. "I mean, like, really badly. We're not allowed to mention his name. Ever. He's just He Who Must Not Be Named."

Cordelia frowned. "He Who Must Not Be Named? You guys aren't talking about Lord Voldemort, are you?"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione let out simultaneous gasps. "How… how did you know about He Who Must Not Be Named?" Ron asked, weakly.

Cordelia answered him with an impatient _pfft_. "Please, I'm from America, not from under a rock. We've known about him for ages." Just then, a look of horror crossed her face. "Wait, rewind… are you telling me Lord Voldemort is Hermione's ex?"

Ron and Hermione stared at her incredulously while Harry let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort.

"Whoa… I come back to find that Hermione's been getting it on with the dark lord?" Xander asked in bewilderment, striding in clutching a plastic bag of chocolate frogs. "Wait—don't tell me. He pulled that 'I'm so tormented, I have a soul now, yada yada' act, right? Chicks fall for it every time!"

"Guys, you-know-who is not my ex!" Hermione broke in, blanching at the thought. "I made that up so you guys would stop asking questions, OK?"

"You thought making up an ex would make us stop asking questions?" Cordelia responded with raised eyebrows. "Please! Inventing dirt only makes people _more_ curious."

"Well, um, now that everyone seems to be on the same page," Giles jumped in, returning with his book, "we can really get some work done here. The idea of the dark lord being behind this crossed my mind, but that opens up a… a wealth of possibilities that I fear might have far graver consequences than we initially thought."

"Great. I go abroad hoping for a break from apocalypses, and what do I get? I trade the hellmouth for the dark lord. I'm still sitting around in some library reading moldy old books with a bunch of nerdy people. No offense," Cordelia added quickly, with a glance at Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Oh come on… nothing brings friends together like a little mystery, mayhem, and a near-apocalypse," Xander cracked, tossing a chocolate frog in the air and catching it in his mouth. "We're like the scoobies, British edition!"

"What's a scooby?" Ron asked. "And toss me a chocolate frog." Xander tossed one of the candies across the table. He undershot and it skidded across the ancient Sumerian text Ron was reading, leaving a smear of brown in its wake.

Giles gazed around the table, wide-eyed. "I know I've said this before, but the earth is most certainly doomed."

A/N: I couldn't think of anything cool-sounding to name the codex so I just went with silly. "Lichenbachen" is a word made up by my beta and a bit of an inside joke. This is a humor fic, after all.

Kow's Chinese Kitchen is a nod to a place I always used to order from back in my hometown.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave_

The week wore on. The "Scoobies (British Edition)" met up at the library to do research, but thus far, they were, in the words of Cordelia, "Getting nowhere, slow."

Meanwhile, things were relatively quiet on the unusual-and-possibly-evil front. Harry's scar didn't bother him all week, nor did Cordelia have another vision. She seemed completely recovered from her last one, and devoted the bulk of her energies into training the would-be Gryffindor cheerleaders. The reactions of the other houses to the news varied between disdain, amusement, and fascination. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws even sent spies to check out the practices.

The students were approaching a busy week, including quidditch team tryouts and the first visit to Hogsmeade at the end of the week. It was a bit early this year, but the teachers figured most of the students would try to sneak out to see Dingoes Ate My Baby, anyway, and it was probably best they get it out of their systems early.

Surprisingly, for the Gryffindors, cheerleading tryouts gathered almost as large of an audience as the quidditch tryouts, although the former's audience was almost entirely male. Representatives from all the houses turned out, which, for some of the cheerleader hopefuls, prompted their moods to skyrocket from nervous to downright terrified.

Cordelia wasn't making matters easier, with her drill-sergeant manner. She had been under considerable stress, doing this almost entirely on her own. Madame Hooch was supervising, but she had no experience with cheerleading. Cordelia had frequently owled Harmony for help, but in Cordelia's absence the Sunnydale varsity squad was under the blonde's command, and it was keeping her quite busy. "Oh, my God, this is so cool, Cor!" Harmony wrote excitedly in her latest owl. "We're both going to be cheerleading captains at our schools! Do you think Harry will be voted quidditch team captain? Because then we'll totally both be dating team captains! OK, well, Tim didn't _technically_ ask me out yet, but I could totally tell he was planning to!"

Ron had dragged a reluctant Hermione along with a curious Harry and eager Xander to watch the tryouts. Hermione took one look at the girls in spandex outfits stretching and warming up on the quidditch pitch, and wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Of all the muggle customs to bring here… it's completely sexist and degrading. Why on earth would any self-respecting girl want to prance around in skimpy outfits for a bunch of guys?"

"We have female quidditch players," Harry pointed out.

"We do, but muggles don't. In America, they have some sport called football. It's sort of like rugby but with more protective gear. And only guys are allowed to play."

"Why?" Ron asked, but his eyes were trained to Cordelia, who was dressed in a deep red sports bra with gold trim and matching red warm-up pants. A whistle around her neck and a clipboard in her hands, she surveyed the other girls through cool hazel eyes.

Hermione shrugged. "They don't use magic, so it's more physical than quidditch, I suppose."

Ron snorted. "Sounds like the perfect sport for Crabbe and Goyle."

"Oh, my God… is that _Ginny?_" Harry asked, interrupting. Ron nearly choked. Sure enough, Ron's sister was sitting with Parvati, doing stretches.

"_Parvati_ is trying out?" Hermione chimed in incredulously. Great—now she might have _two_ roommates involved in this!

Cordelia blew her whistle, effectively putting an end to the warm-ups. All the cheerleader hopefuls gathered in front of her. The tryouts were… interesting to say the least. There were falls, collisions, girls forgetting words and/or dance moves… it was pretty gross. After a while, Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She muttered something about having to study and bailed. The guys stuck around, however, since there was a morbid fascination to watching the train wreck and hey, it was still girls in spandex. When Ginny went up to do her cheer, Ron glared at Harry and Xander, as if daring them to say or do anything remotely lustful. Ginny made it through her cheer without any major mishaps, and was actually quite good. Parvati Patil also did well, to Cordelia's immense relief. At least there were two half-decent girls in this lot.

"Thanks to everyone for trying out!" Cordelia announced with false perkiness after the debacle was over. The look in her eyes said anything but. "The results will be posted in the Gryffindor common room tomorrow night. Good luck!"

Unfortunately, Harry, Ron, and Xander didn't make it out of the quidditch pitch before a sickeningly familiar voice taunted, "Let's hope your quidditch team is better than your cheerleaders."

"Hey, you showed up to watch, and it's not even your house," Harry pointed out, glaring at Draco.

The blond shrugged. "You expect me to miss girls in spandex?"

"I would think you'd find Gryffindor girls below the likes of you," Ron piped up with a glare.

Draco arched a pale eyebrow. "I'm not blind, Weasley. Spandex is rather becoming on your sister. I might reconsider my stance on interhouse relations."

Ron's face turned the color of his hair, and Harry had to grab him quickly before he launched himself at Malfoy. Meanwhile, Draco walked off with Crabbe and Goyle, their laughter ringing in Harry's ears.

The quidditch team and cheerleader tryouts continued to be the talk of the school well into the next day, far more so than classes (but really, when did classes ever interest anyone when there was gossip to be shared?) The students were itching to find out the results, and last-period study hall with Snape was even more of an ordeal than usual.

"Ugh, herbology is so boring," Cordelia complained, plopping down at the table with Harry, Ron, Xander, and Hermione. She opened her textbook with a scowl. "Who cares if a tomato is a fruit or vegetable?"

"It's a fruit," Neville Longbottom supplied from nearby.

Cordelia sent him such a fierce glare that the reticent boy literally flinched. Deciding he wasn't worth her time, she turned back to her seatmates. "I need your opinions. I've been looking at various uniforms for the cheerleaders, and I'm having trouble picking one. Check this out."

She plopped a catalog down on the table and flipped it open to pages she had bookmarked with Post-its—a particularly useful muggle invention. They looked at the picture of a smiling cheerleader waving her pom-poms while dressed in a scandalously skimpy red-and-gold outfit.

"Aren't you girls going to be cold wearing that?" Hermione asked, glad _she_ wasn't a cheerleader.

"You get warm… we'll be jumping around a lot. Besides, there are charms to ward off the cold."

"By all means, don't let that stand in the way," Ron said, gazing at Cordelia and undoubtedly picturing her in that outfit. Hermione rolled her eyes in disgust, but Ron didn't notice.

"Snape at three o'clock," Xander warned under his breath, and Cordelia quickly hid the catalog under herbology book.

Their talking hadn't gone unnoticed by the potions master. "You lot sure seem to be having a fascinating conversation," Snape said sardonically as he approached their table. "Care to share it with the rest of us?"

"Actually, we were just discussing whether a tomato is a fruit or vegetable," Cordelia said with an innocent smile.

"It's a fruit," the potions master said dismissively, "which you would know if you had bothered to read your book. Now, if I hear one more word out of any of you, it's detention. For _all_ of you." He stalked off.

They were quiet for the remainder of study hall, which was actually a relief. Things were still chilly between Ron and Harry, and Ron rebuffed all of his friend's attempts to make up. Harry was completely bewildered. It wasn't _his_ fault Cordelia had taken an interest in him! What did Ron expect him to do? Put a love spell on her to make her fancy him instead?

Meanwhile, Hermione watched the rift between her friends with increasing consternation. This was without a doubt the silliest fight Ron and Harry had ever gotten into. Fighting over a girl like _Cordelia?_ She probably went through boyfriends faster than socks. It was doubtful that Harry would hold Cordelia's attention for long, before she moved on to her next eager admirer. Judging by the way most Hogwarts boys looked at her, she'd have no shortage of choices.

Hermione only hoped Cordelia wouldn't hurt Harry too badly. She frowned as she watched Cordelia engage Harry in an animated conversation about quidditch, flirting a mile a minute. Cordelia probably only knew about quidditch for the sake of hitting on the male players. "It's just disgusting," she muttered, not realizing she had spoken aloud till the words escaped her lips.

"Tell me about it," a voice piped up nearby. Hermione looked up to see Xander loping beside her, scowling at Harry and Cordelia. "Those two should just get a room already."

"Can't Ron see he's making a fool out of himself?" Hermione said, unable to stop herself. She hadn't had anyone to commiserate with about Harry and Ron—she couldn't exactly tell Ginny, seeing as one of the guilty parties was her brother, and Crookshanks was not the most sparkling conversationalist.

"Seriously," Xander agreed. "I mean, sure, Cordelia's pretty… well, smokin' hot would be more like it"— Hermione threw him a disdainful look—"but still. Good luck to Harry, putting up with her vapid chatter and excessive spending of her daddy's money. Or her less-than-loaded boyfriend's."

Hermione had suspected something might be going on between Xander and Cordelia, and was almost convinced of it now. "You seem awfully familiar with her girlfriend M.O."

"Well, who isn't?" Xander pointed out. "Half the guys at Sunnydale High were panting after her—and Hogwarts too, by the looks of things. She chews 'em up and spits 'em out, leaving us none the wiser and definitely broker."

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. "Us? Are you saying that you're among Cordelia's, erm, chewed-and-spat-out exes?"

"You got me," Xander admitted. "Cordelia and I used to go out. But in my defense, I plead temporary insanity."

"Well, I don't blame you… she is very pretty, if you go for that sort of thing. And apparently both Ron and Harry do."

Xander followed her gaze toward the two infatuated boys—well, in all fairness, Harry seemed more overwhelmed than infatuated—then turned back to her. "You like Ron, don't you?"

Color flooded into her cheeks, her immediate instinct to deny it. "Like him? We--we've been friends since we were first-years!"

"So? I've been friends with Willow since we were in diapers. Of course, there's nothing happening between me and Will, but just because you've been friends forever doesn't mean feelings can't change."

"It—it would be like… I don't know, weird," Hermione babbled, completely flustered. "Besides, it's not like anything has ever happened. I'm sure he doesn't feel the same. I mean, he'd rather ask someone he's _never_ shown interest in to the Yule Ball than me…"

"Well, that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you. He could just be a chicken," Xander suggested.

"He asked Fleur Delacour!" Hermione exclaimed, realizing too late that Xander had no idea who that was. "She was um, a very popular foreign student. So clearly, he's not got a shortage of nerve!"

"Ouch." Xander's brown eyes were sympathic.

Hermione's cheeks were flaming, having inadvertently blurted out such personal information to Xander. But in a way, it was almost easier than telling one of her best friends. She couldn't exactly confide in Ginny or Harry. It would just screw up the whole dynamic between them, and her life would rapidly descend into one of those awful muggle Gossip Girl novels, minus the expensive clothes. Who needed that? Better just to keep quiet and let things play out as they would. The problem was, she hadn't counted on how hard it would be to watch Ron fall for every girl but her. It was nice to share her feelings with someone who wasn't involved.

"You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?" she asked Xander suspiciously. "Because you know I would hex you into the deepest dimension of hell if you did."

Xander held up his hands in a peacemaking gesture. "I will take your secret to the grave."

Hermione found the corners of her mouth twitching as she fought an impulse to smile. Xander's goofy sense of humor was infectious. He reminded her a bit of Fred and George. Those three would definitely get a long… with potentially scary results.

"Look, with this whole Ron thing, maybe it's time you took the bull by the horns," Xander suggested. "Take matters into your own hands, you know?"

"You mean… ask him out?" Hermione asked, horror-struck. "And have him turn me down? Do you have any idea how awkward that would be?"

"Oh, I think I have some idea," Xander said dryly, remembering his dismal attempt to ask Buffy out. "I was thinking of something a little more… subtle."

"Like what?" Hermione wanted to know. "If it involves me putting on makeup or dressing in skanky outfits, forget it!"

"No skanky outfits," Xander assured her, "although I wouldn't mind that in the least."

She snorted, but felt her cheeks tingle at Xander's not-so-subtle flirting. She wasn't used to being flirted with. It was nice.

"I'm thinking you and I are going to the Dingoes Ate My Baby show together."

Hermione wondered if she'd heard him right. "Umm… Xander, are you asking me out on a date?"

"I am, and you are going to say yes."

"Oh, really? She wondered if she'd been right to confide in him after all. This conversation had taken an exceedingly bizarre turn.

"It's the perfect plan, see," Xander explained. "You know what they say… jealousy makes the heart grow fonder…"

"I thought it was distance makes the heart grow fonder."

"Whatever," Xander dismissed. "If they think we're dating, it's just the way to make Ron realize what he's missing out on. He'll come running back to you faster than Crabbe to the Great Hall at dinner."

To her shock, Hermione actually found herself contemplating it. _Are you completely daft?_ she asked herself. Still, it made sense… didn't it bother _her_ to see Ron chasing after Cordelia? Maybe the reason he'd never made a move is because he assumed she'd always be there. True, she had dated Viktor Krum briefly, but she'd never really tried to hide the fact that she thought about and cared about Ron way too much. Xander seemed a nice enough guy… he was funny and attractive, in a quirky sort of way. She might not mind so much pretending to date him.

"Say I did agree to this charade," Hermione hedged. "What's in it for you? Wouldn't you rather be free to date any girl you wanted?"

"Trust me, Hermione, the girl I want is spoken for." Xander's eyes were focused on Cordelia, who was giggling in Harry's face.

So Xander was still hung up on Cordelia. Everything about this bizarre conversation was beginning to make sense. "You're hoping that if she sees you with me, she'll get jealous and want you back," Hermione surmised.

"You know, you are far too smart for your own good." Xander said, which made her smile. He could be really charming sometimes.

"So," he went on, "why don't you and I meet in the common room tonight? I'll bring the doughnuts, and we can get down and dirty with some herbology."

"Doughnuts?" Hermione echoed blankly. "You want to study together?"

"Well, if we're going to pretend to be dating, we have to do stuff together," Xander reasoned. "You know, studying, walking to class, hanging out… typical people-who-are-dating activities."

"Oh…." That made sense. Duh. "Sorry, I guess I'm just not used to people wanting to study with me for reasons other than copying my homework."

"Oh… well, no worries," Xander assured her. "I prefer to earn my D entirely on my own."

She smiled, although she was disturbed to realize that Ron's tendency to copy her homework bothered her more than she had thought. She supposed it was cute back when they were twelve, but by now, shouldn't he have learned to do his own work, or if he didn't, to face the consequences?

"So I guess tonight we'll um, get down and dirty with the herbology," she agreed.

"Oh yes, because nothing says I love you like our eyes meeting some enchanted evening over a herbology book," Xander cracked.

"Oh, Xander, you sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet."

She glanced back at Harry, Ron, and Cordelia, reflecting on how utterly strange their lives had become within a few days. Harry and Ron were fighting over a girl, and Hermione was pretending to date said girl's ex-boyfriend, who was still hung up on her. And in all likelihood, Ginny and Parvati were about to become cheerleaders.

Hermione was beginning to think that maybe her life wasn't so different from those Gossip Girl novels, after all. Except for the fancy clothes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**  
_Hyphy Juice_

The scene in the Gryffindor common room was chaotic as girls scrambled over to the sign boasting the cheerleader tryout results. Eight girls had made the squad, including both Ginny and Parvati. Squeals of delight erupted from the girls who made it, and those who didn't slunk away in disappointment.

Meanwhile, quidditch team tryouts had also drawn to a close. Harry had been elected captain, which pleased Cordelia to no end. "That is so awesome! We so have to celebrate at Dingoes Ate My Baby tomorrow night!" she exclaimed when he told her.

The excitement practically crackled through the air on Saturday evening, as the students prepared for the Dingoes Ate My Baby show. Cordelia was ecstatic. "The weather was even kinda nice today… we broke 60 degrees! It's a heat wave!" she quipped, digging through her seemingly endless wardrobe for the perfect outfit to knock Harry off his feet. "Hopefully we won't freeze our butts off tonight."

"I don't think it's very cold outside," Hermione remarked, pulling on a blue t-shirt over her jeans. "It'll be warm in the Leaky Cauldron anyway."

Cordelia eyed her over the two sweaters she held while standing in the middle of the room in her black La Perla bra and Blue Cult jeans. "Please tell me you are not _seriously_ wearing that."

"Umm… this?" Hermione wondered what was wrong with her outfit.

"You're not going on your first date with Xander dressed like you're going gardening." Cordelia abandoned her own clothing search to rifle through Hermione's closet.

"I, um… it's not really a date…." Hermione stammered, following Cordelia. "I mean, it's a date, but… well, no one really dresses up for these things…."

"I'm not talking about dressing up." Cordelia abandoned Hermione's closet in disdain and returned to her own. "It's about getting the perfect casual-cute look for a night out on the town." After some searching, she thrust a gold satin top at Hermione. "Put that on. Keep the jeans, but only because mine probably won't fit. What shoe size are you?"

Before Hermione knew what had happened, she was in Cordelia's gold satin Diane Von Furstenberg top, her own jeans, and gold Christian Louboutin three-inch heel stiletto sandals. "Cordelia, I can't walk in these," Hermione complained, teetering on Cordelia's heels.

"You'll get used to it. That's the price you have to pay for beauty." The brunette, dressed in an off-the-shoulder black Richard Tyler sweater and black skirt by the same designer, was lacing up a pair of red Marc Jacobs boots with four-inch stiletto heels. "I can't believe you never wear heels. That's crazy. I've been wearing them since I was fourteen." Cordelia leapt spryly from her bed and grabbed her Tod's clutch. She took one look at her roommate and grinned broadly. "Xander is gonna _die_," she declared. "Now, if only we could do something with that hair… you're really pretty, did you know that? But you wouldn't notice from the way you always dress down and stuff."

"Umm… OK." Hermione wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or not.

"See, you've just gotta learn to work it, you know?" Cordelia went on, fiddling with Hermione's hair. "'Course, some guys dig that understated natural beauty thing. But it's fun to like, totally knock their socks off on nights like this, ya know?"

"Umm… sure, I guess." Actually, Hermione had to admit Cordelia had a point. She thought back to last year's Yule Ball, the first time she'd really gone out of her way to look pretty. It _had_ felt nice to have boys look at her the way they looked at girls like Cordelia. Of course, she knew that it wasn't really _her_, and was more than happy to slip back into her own skin after that night. But it had still been thrilling at the time.

"Allright, this will have to do on such short notice," Cordelia declared, having styled Hermione's hair into a thick, tangled mane that looked sexy in a kind of untamed way. "I figured it's easier to work with your hair's natural texture than to try and fight it. Too bad I don't have some of Mom's magical styling products."

"It's fine," Hermione assured her.

Cordelia produced a tube of sparkly M.A.C. Lipglass and thrust it at Hermione. "Put this on. And while you're at it, some mascara wouldn't hurt, either."

A few minutes later, the two girls were ready. Hermione was eager to leave for the Leaky Cauldron. All this fussing around her was making her feel self-conscious. "We should probably get going soon. We don't want to be late."

"You're probably right," Cordelia admitted. "Normally I'm all for being fashionably late, but it's going to be hell finding a place to sit tonight."

The Leaky Cauldron was crowded and noisy when they arrived, despite their having shown up half an hour early. The place was overrun by Hogwarts students, who had wasted no time staking their claims on the tables nearest the stage. Cordelia and Hermione managed to snag a booth with Ginny, the Patil twins, and Luna. Luna was dressed as bizarrely as ever, with earrings shaped like bells hanging from her ears. The earrings tinkled every time she turned her head. Her blonde hair had been styled into many small braids and she wore bright-blue eye shadow, making her look like a teen tart Bo Derek.

When Hermione took off her coat and slung it across the back of the chair, she became aware of the many admiring glances from the Inn's male patrons, which made her flush self-consciously. Even Luna seemed to take a great liking to her top, which she declared, "Shiny."

"Umm, thanks," Hermione said. The top was gold satin after all, and it did shine in the light.

"No, _shiny_," Luna corrected, as if reading her thoughts. "It's a new slang word. You know, like 'wicked' or 'cool.'"

"Ahh. I get it. Shiny." Hermione gave Luna an indulgent smile. She'd never heard of that slang in her life. Maybe it was something unique to the wizarding world?

Cordelia, meanwhile, had gone to the bar to get a butterbeer and hadn't yet returned. She was loitering there with many of the male Gryffindor quidditch players. Harry, Ron, Seamus, Xander, and Neville arrived to find Cordelia standing between Fred and George Weasley, flirting outrageously as they regaled her with stories of their various escapades at Hogwarts.

Meanwhile, Xander had scanned the room for Hermione to find her waving at him from the already-overcrowded booth with several other girls. He froze momentarily, taking in the sight of his date in Cordelia's clothes. (He knew they had to be Cordy's; who else would dress in some gold satin thing for a Dingoes Ate My Baby show?) But Hermione looked… well, she looked _hot_.

Xander ambled over to the table with Ron, Neville, and Seamus, while Harry went to meet Cordelia. The girls scooted over to make room for the guys, and Hermione ended up practically pressed against Xander's side. His Hawaiian shirt-clad arm kept brushing hers whenever he moved, and it made her feel… strange. It was not exactly unpleasant. It was actually kind of nice.

"Hey everyone, we're back with butterbeer!" Cordelia winked as she and Harry walked over. Cordelia had a pitcher of butterbeer in one hand, her other hand looped through Harry's arm. Despite the fact that in her heels she was an inch taller than he was, they made quite the striking couple.

"Nice." Xander took the pitcher and poured some into a mug for Hermione. "After you."

"Why, thank you, kind sir," she joked, accepting the mug. The butterbeer was delicious. It flowed smoothly down her throat and left a pleasant burn in its wake. It tasted a bit different than usual, but she figured it was because it was straight out of the tap.

"This place sorta reminds me of the Bronze… kinda shabby and divey, except the Bronze is like, hip shabby and divey," Cordelia remarked, taking in her surroundings. "Tom is mad cool, though. He let me have this entire pitcher for free!"

"Yeah, because you sweet-talked him into it," Harry joked. He still seemed a bit overwhelmed, as if he couldn't believe Cordelia was really his date. He tried to ignore Ron glaring at him from across the table.

Soon, the band had taken the stage and launched into a loud, rowdy rock song. Some students got up to dance, and soon the area around the stage was crowded with dancing teenagers. "Oh, wow, I love this song!" Cordelia exclaimed. She grabbed Harry's hand and practically dragged him up from the booth. "Let's dance!"

"Ummm… sure." She was already halfway to the floor, pulling Harry behind her.

"So… you wanna dance?" Xander asked Hermione as Neville departed for the dance floor with Luna, and Ron went with Parvati.

"I, um, am not really good at dancing to this sort of thing," Hermione said awkwardly. She had learned ballroom dancing for last year's Yule Ball, but this was completely different.

"Hermione, we are supposed to be dating… couples who are dating tend to dance together," Xander reminded her. "Come on… it's not that hard. Nobody will be paying attention, trust me."

"Well… I guess…." She took another sip of butterbeer. She realized she'd finished off almost the whole mug. She felt kind of lightheaded and warm. _What the hell?_ she figured, finishing off the mug. _You only live once._ Maybe Cordelia'd had a point earlier. Nights like these didn't happen all the time. Why not have some fun?

She followed Xander to the dance floor, where she immediately spotted Cordelia and Harry. Cordelia appeared to be completely at home, swinging her hips to the beat of the music in an effortlessly seductive manner. Harry seemed to be having fun—Cordelia's enthusiasm was infectious.

Hermione couldn't help but get into it as she and Xander danced together. He moved closer to her and put his hands on her hips, and she coordinated her movements to his. Although there wasn't much more bodily contact than ballroom dancing, this somehow felt so much more intimate. She'd seen muggle teenagers dance this way, and while she'd initially been scandalized, she could now see why they did. It was fun, in a naughty sort of way.

Several songs later, Cordelia and Harry were back on the floor after taking a brief break with Xander and Hermione for more butterbeer. Cordelia noticed that Hermione had been gulping the stuff down as though it were going out of style. She looked flushed and happy and giggled excessively at all of Xander's dumb jokes. _Looks like someone's getting sauced_, she thought, stifling a grin. She had to admit it amused her to see her prim-and-proper roommate getting sloppy for once. She could stand to loosen up a little!

Cordelia was nursing a nice buzz herself, having partaken moderately of the butterbeer. While normally, butterbeer didn't get one drunk, Fred and George had shared some "hyphy juice" with Cordelia earlier that evening. She hadn't been able to resist spiking the pitcher. Harry had tried to talk her out of it, but she'd charmed him into going along with it, assuring him all hyphy juice did was give you a nice little buzz. It was about the strength of muggle vodka or rum, but without the nasty taste. Definitely one of the wizarding world's better inventions.

Harry had had some of the spiked butterbeer himself, and apparently it was catching up to him. He excused himself for the men's room, while Cordelia remained on the dance floor alone, waiting. She loved to dance, and didn't have the slightest problem with dancing alone. It rarely stayed that way for long, anyway!

Tonight was no exception. She was shaking it to one of her favorite songs when someone came up behind her. She had no choice but to dance with him, trying to sneak a peek over her shoulder with hopes her dance partner wasn't hideously ugly. However, before she got a good look, a voice drawled in her ear, "Cordelia, don't you even want to see who you're dancing with?"

She whirled around, hazel eyes narrowing as they met Draco Malfoy's gray ones. "What do you want, Malfoy?"

He arched an elegant pale eyebrow. "A dance, if you don't mind."

"Sorry, I don't dance with losers." She made to leave the dance floor, but he seized her arm.

"Cordelia, wait. I think we got off on the wrong foot. Can't we start over?"

"Oh? You mean you're not enjoying our verbal sparring matches?" she asked.

"As much as they amuse me, they are getting a bit old."

"Perhaps if you stopped being such a prat, that might help," she suggested sweetly.

He was unruffled. "You don't strike me as the type to date guys who are falling at your feet. If that was true, you'd be here with Weasel tonight." He directed a derisive glance at Ron, who was dancing rather awkwardly with Luna. "You'd rather have someone a bit more… challenging."

"I like a challenge," Cordelia said coolly, "but I've dated a ton of guys like you and frankly, I'm over it. I've got your number, Malfoy."

"Oh?" He shot her his trademark smirk. "And what makes you so sure I'm just like all your other boyfriends?"

"Oh, let's see…" Cordelia rattled off items on her fingers. "You're conceited, you're arrogant, you've had everything handed to you on a silver platter, you really know your designers, and oh yeah… you're a bigot."

"This from a spoiled southern-California princess whose shoes probably cost more than the Weasleys' entire wardrobe. All seven of them."

Cordelia put her hands on her hips. "What's your point?"

"My point is that we might have more in common than you think," said Draco smoothly. "Now, if we're through with the pleasantries, are you going to dance with me or not?"

She heaved a huge sigh. "If it'll shut you up, fine."

"You sure know how to charm a man."

She glared up at him—he was taller than Harry, with whom she was at about eye level. "Show me a man, and I'll do my best."

"Ouch, that hurt." He feigned an injured expression.

She had to smile at that, shaking her head. "You are so easy… you just walk right into those!"

"We're not all gifted with wit as sharp as Cordelia Chase."

"Well, given our exchanges thus far this year, I'm inclined to agree," she said with an arch smile. She was still in awe that she was actually having a civil conversation with Draco Malfoy when he spoke again.

"So… you really think I know my designers?" he asked, with a slight frown.

"Oh, obviously. Let me guess—that shirt is _totally _Gaultier," she said. "And you would deign to wear his designs, because he's actually a wizard. Even if he does work with those dreadful muggles."

"Yes, that is most unfortunate," Draco agreed, picking up on her sarcasm. "You only like muggles because of their fashion designers."

"Hey, I know what they do well," Cordelia asserted. "You purebloods, always taking about how _lowly_ muggles are and such… please. There's what, 3 pureblood families left? I bet there's a bit of muggle in all of you—even _you_, Draco."

He looked as though she had just dealt him the vilest insult imaginable. "There haven't a drop of muggle blood in my entire family!"

She raised an eyebrow. "And yet, you go through the trouble to secure a dance with a filthy half-blood like myself."

"Your mother's parentage is most unfortunate," he acknowledged, "but the House of Chase is among the oldest and most powerful in America. There are so few pureblood families in North America, I suppose that's why your father saw fit to marry a muggleborn."

"My, aren't we the master at backhanded compliments," Cordelia snarked, but she wasn't about to let him win this round. "You are so full of contradictions."

He smirked. "What can I say? I'm a complex guy."

Meanwhile, Harry had returned from the men's room in time to witness Malfoy moving in on his date. Quick as a flash, he had back on the dance floor at Cordelia's side. "Is he bothering you?" he asked her, his eyes fixed on Draco's face.

"I was handling it," she assured Harry, turning up the charm instantly.

"Good. Why don't you go scam on someone else's date, Malfoy?" Harry demanded, moving protectively to Cordelia's side.

Draco looked more amused than offended. "You left her alone; I filled in. A girl like Cordelia won't have an empty dance card for long."

"Well, lucky for you she's too polite to tell you where you can take your dance card," Harry shot back. "I, however, am not that polite."

The light touch of a manicured hand on his shoulder gave him pause. "Harry, chill. He's not worth it," Cordelia told him, with a sideways glance at Draco.

"You've landed a smart one, Potter," Draco told him sagely. "I'd watch her if I were you. You never know when someone else will swoop in and steal her." With that, he sauntered off.

Harry was so enraged he was practically shaking. "I swear, it's a good thing he left when he did or I'd have hexed him into next weekend!"

"Harry… it's OK. I'm a big girl; I can handle it," Cordelia assured him. "It's sweet of you to defend my honor, though." She flashed him her most disarming smile.

It seemed to work. Somewhat mollified, Harry relaxed a bit. "What a git!"

"See, we agree on something," Cordelia quipped. "Come on… forget about him and dance with me."

He obliged, and after a few numbers, Harry's mood seemed to have passed. Cordelia still had her eye on Draco, though. Not because she was attracted to him—sure, he was hot and made good arm candy, but she didn't trust him any farther that she could throw him. It wouldn't be the first time a guy had shown interest in her with less-than-pure intentions. But she was also confident in what she'd told Harry—she could handle Malfoy.

Meanwhile, across the floor, Hermione and Xander were having a far more pleasant evening. They were still dancing, and she was having a blast! She'd never been so daring with a guy in public before, and it was positively thrilling. Unfortunately, Cordelia's shoes weren't conducive to spending hours (actually, more like a few minutes) on her feet, and they seemed to be getting even _harder_ to balance in. She stumbled and fell against Xander, who hastily caught her and helped her regain her balance. "Whoa, there… careful," he teased.

She giggled and leaned against him. "Sorry… I don't know how Cordelia can wear these all night!"

"That will have to remain one of the world's great mysteries," Xander cracked. He was going to have to cut Hermione off the butterbeer. Not that drunk Hermione wasn't fun, but Xander didn't want to take advantage of her. Considering how hot she looked and the fact that she seemed into it, he was far more tempted than he thought he'd be.

Hermione hazarded a glance at Ron and Luna, who were dancing together across the floor. Ron's eyes met Hermione's and, with a wide grin, she turned back to Xander. It was hard to tell in the dim lighting, but Ron appeared to be a mixture of stunned and puzzled.

In the meantime, Harry and Cordelia had taken a break from the dance floor. Cordelia's feet ached from so much dancing in those killer heels, but she didn't want to let on. Instead, she and Harry lounged at the bar sipping (non-spiked) butterbeers. Cordelia plucked a maraschino cherry from the tray at the bar and popped one in her mouth, then grabbed another. "I love these things… have one." Holding it by the stem, she offered it to Harry.

She was clearly intending to feed it to him. Hoping his flushed face didn't show in the dim lighting, Harry awkwardly leaned forward and bit the cherry off of the stem. Grinning mischievously, Cordelia took the stem and popped it in her mouth. A moment later, she withdrew the stem to show it tied neatly in a knot.

"Neat trick… that some kind of charm?" he asked, sweating slightly under the lights. Tom had really turned up the heat in the Leaky Cauldron tonight.

"Nah. Just skill," Cordelia said. "It's not that hard… you just gotta catch the stem between your teeth and use your tongue to tie it… wanna try?" She bit off another cherry and handed him the stem.

"Umm… OK." After several failed attempts to tie the cherry stems in a knot, Cordelia and Harry were both giggling hysterically over their butterbeers.

"Oh God… I think I just choked on butterbeer," Cordelia rasped, breaking in a simultaneous coughing and giggling fit.

"Here, drink something." He held out her mug of butterbeer while rubbing his hand in slow circles on her back.

She drank the amber liquid slowly, until gradually the coughing fit subsided. "I think I snorted some up my nose!" she joked when she had recovered the power of speech.

"Ow." He smiled sympathetically at her. His hand was still on her back, and she was leaning rather close to him. She smelled incredible, like flowers and some other clean, distinctly feminine scent. Probably her perfume or something. Her lip gloss was still impeccably applied, making her lips look even fuller and softer in the dim light.

Her eyes caught his and in that moment, he realized she was probably expecting him to kiss her. Harry's heart did a funny leaping thing and for a moment he thought he was going to be sick. He hadn't kissed a girl before. Cordelia was probably very experienced… what if he wasn't any good? Or course, he'd look like a total loser if he backed out now, so he had to go for it. Terrified, he leaned closer to Cordelia, who lifted her face instinctively.

Their lips were about an inch apart when she said, "Umm… Harry…"

"Yes?" _Oh God, I totally botched it and I didn't even kiss her yet. Way to go._

"I think… I'm having another…." The sentence had barely come out of her mouth before she doubled over in pain.

Harry immediately caught her before she toppled off the bar stool. A couple students nearby glanced curiously in their direction, and he hastily said, "She had a bit too much to drink."

Her nails dug into his arm as she gripped his sleeve, grimacing. "What do you see?" he asked in as hushed a tone as he could, over the loud music.

"A group of figures… they're in like, dark robes or something," she gasped, still reeling from the vision. "Standing in a circle… in some kinda ritual. Something about… their master is gone, but a new power shall rise. Meh. And there's some kinda insignia on their hoods."

Harry felt his heart constrict. "Is it… a snake and a skull?"

She shook her head, wincing at the aftershocks of pain that ricocheted through it at the motion. "No, it's something totally different. It's like a triangle with some… guh. I'll have to draw it for Giles later."

"Yeah, he'll know," Harry said, still unsure if they could completely trust the ex-librarian, although Cordelia and Xander seemed to. He was also more than a little disturbed at this new development. If Cordelia hadn't seen the Death Eaters… what had she seen?

"I think this music is giving me a headache," she groaned. "Excuse me a minute."

"I'll come with you," Harry offered quickly as Cordelia slid off the bar stool.

"To the ladies' room? Harry, it's only the first date," she teased, making him blush to the roots of his tousled hair. "Be right back, K?"

"OK," he agreed, watching her stroll off toward the back of the inn. The sway of her hips was so effortlessly seductive… if it weren't for her dark features, he'd swear she was part veela.

In the ladies' room, Cordelia took a moment to dab at her face and neck with a damp paper towel (splashing water on her face would totally ruin her makeup) and fix her hair. Her mood had gone from euphoric to total crap within the span of a few minutes. Damn visions. Could their timing have been any worse?

Cordelia left the ladies' room and decided to step outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air. Harry wouldn't mind. When Cordelia stepped out the back door into the alley, the blast of cool air instantly rejuvenated her. She still heard the booming bass from inside the Inn reverberating through the alley, but at least the music was somewhat muted out here. She just needed to clear her head a bit.

However, she'd only been outside for a few minutes when she thought she heard footsteps behind her. "Oh, Harry, you didn't have to come after me…" she began, only to turn and see that the footsteps did _not_ belong to Harry.

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, I know that was an evil cliffy, but this chapter was getting way too long and I had to end it somewhere. However, if this were a book and not an online fic, that would probably be a standard chapter ending point. No worries, though… I'm already halfway through chapter 9 so it won't be a long wait!

Luna's use of the word "shiny" is a shout-out to the TV series _Firefly_ and the movie _Serenity_.

Yeah, I know "hyphy juice" was pretty silly (for those of you who don't know, it comes from the Mistah Fab song "Stupid Dumb and Hyphy"). But actually, it kinda sounds like something from the wizarding world, and it's also a shout-out to my hyphy friend G.

"What can I say? I'm a complex guy" is a line from the TV series _Lost_.


End file.
